雪中的敵意 雷曉宇
雪夜。我和父親並肩走在回家的路上
雪不大，我暗自慶幸沒有雨傘從中作梗
讓一脈相傳的對峙得以保存
但與生俱來的敵意，略有消融
從積雪的反光裡，我看到
白雪垂直落下，北風忽左忽右。
群山像牆上正襟危坐的畫像一樣陷入孤立
忽然為此感到悲傷
在路的盡頭，母親為我們準備了
一份清貧的晚餐。我們都在
奔赴那歡愉的時刻，我們都在會心沉默
那時，四野的寂靜如有默契。我和父親
走在雪中，每一片雪花都是一天、一年
甚至一生。落在我和父親南轅北轍的路上
一晃很多年過去了，父親已經
蒼老得不像樣子，他仍然多病
容易暴怒，完全沒有老成持重的樣子。
我也過了而立之年。早就在生活的調教之下
變得俯首帖耳。落在他身上的霜雪
正在一點點強加到我的頭上。有時看到他
就像站在三十年後的鏡子前
一種被嘲弄的羞辱和被痛毆的自憐
在心中交織，窗外北風四起。冬天過去了
我知道，我和父親之間隔著一場薄雪
但它永不降臨。也許還隔著一場白茫茫的大雪
它終將落下
選自《詩刊》
The Hostility In the Snow
by Lei Xiaoyu
Snowy night, Father and I walk home side by side.
An umbrella isn’t needed for the snow, I am secretly glad
that our generational hostility can flow freely,
although it has softened since birth.
In the reflection of the field of snow, I saw
fresh snow falling down, and wind gusts from the north.
The imposing mountain range looks like a stern portrait.
Suddenly I feel sad.
At the end of the road, Mother has prepared
a coarse meal for us. We both look forward to
being cheered up, even the physical space mimics
our unspoken understanding in silence. Father and I
walk in the snow, each snowflake weighs a day, a year,
even a lifetime. They fall on my end of the road, opposite from father’s.
Years have gone by, and Father is now
old and horribly gray, and sick
and temperamental, all but lost his bearing.
I am in my 30s, but already resigned
from life’s numerous lessons. The frost and snow befalling Father
now come down on my head. His demeanor
mirrors the image of a child thirty-some years back:
humiliated for being mocked and self pity for being
brutally punished. The north wind blows and blows. Winter is over,
I know, but there is frost between Father and me
that won’t ever dissipate. Maybe it will eventually fall down
on the other side of a blizzard.
Translated by Duck Yard Lyricists
Duck Yard Lyricists is a group of devoted poetry lovers: Meifu Wang, Peter Micic, Michael Soper & Johan Ramaekers.
雷曉宇：1984年10月出生於湖南邵陽，現居貴州安順。貴州省作協會員。魯迅文學院第三屆西南六省區市青年作家培訓班學員，全軍第二屆文學創作高研班學員，曾被《西南軍事文學》推薦為新銳軍旅作家。熱愛文學、音樂、徒步、冬天、酒，對一切古老的事物心存敬畏，將詩歌當成一生的事業。
本詩由 PATHSHARERS BOOKS（美國同道出版社）
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