Roxane Gay是位女權主義者，但是她認為自己不是一個好的女權主義者，所以她要懺悔。
在這次TED演講臺上，她和大家分享她的經歷和她懺悔的原因——
中英全文
I am failing as a woman, I am failing as a feminist.
作為一個女人我很失敗，作為一個女權主義者我也很失敗。
I have passionate opinions about gender equality, but I worry that to freely accept the label of "feminist," would not be fair to good feminists.
我非常支持性別平等，但是我會擔心，如果我坦然接受“女權主義者”這個稱號，對那些優秀的女權主義者不公平。
'm a rather bad one. Oh, so I call myself a Bad Feminist. Or at least, I wrote an essay, and then I wrote a book called "Bad Feminist," and then in interviews, people started calling me The Bad FeminiI'm a feminist, but Ist. (Laughter)
我是一個女權主義者，但我是一個相當不稱職的女權主義者。哦, 所以我叫我自己“一個不良女權主義者”。或者至少，我寫過一篇文章，又寫了一本書，叫《壞女權主義者》，然後在採訪中，大家開始叫我“那個壞女權主義者”。
So, what started as a bit of an inside joke with myself and a willful provocation, has become a thing.
所以，這個一開始跟自己開的玩笑，帶著對自己故意的挑釁，變成了一個實在的東西。
Let me take a step back. When I was younger, mostly in my teens and 20s, I had strange ideas about feminists as hairy, angry, man-hating, sex-hating women -- as if those are bad things. (Laughter)These days, I look at how women are treated the world over, and anger, in particular, seems like a perfectly reasonable response.
退一步講，我年輕的時候，大概青少年時期，我對女權主義者有些奇怪的誤解。比如她們體毛很多，易怒，憎恨男性，憎恨性，就好像她們是不好的東西。現在，我看到了這個世界如何對待女性，似乎憤怒是最合理的回應。
But back then, I worried about the tone people used when suggesting I might be a feminist. The feminist label was an accusation, it was an "F" word, and not a nice one. I was labeled a woman who doesn't play by the rules, who expects too much, who thinks far too highly of myself, by daring to believe I'm equal -- (Coughs) -- superior to a man. You don't want to be that rebel woman, until you realize that you very much are that woman, and cannot imagine being anyone else.
但是在以前，當人們在暗示我，我是一個女權主義者的時候，他們的語氣讓我擔心。女權主義者這個標籤更像是一種指控。這是一個以“F”開頭的詞，而且不是個“好”的詞。我被打上“不按規則來”，“期待的太多”，“自我感覺太好”的女性的標籤，僅僅是因為我敢於去相信，我和男人一樣優秀。直到意識到你就是這樣的，並且不敢去想象變成別的樣子，你才會想要做這樣一個反叛的女性。
As I got older, I began to accept that I am, indeed, a feminist, and a proud one. I hold certain truths to be self-evident: Women are equal to men. We deserve equal pay for equal work. We have the right to move through the world as we choose, free from harassment or violence. We have the right to easy, affordable access to birth control, and reproductive services. We have the right to make choices about our bodies, free from legislative oversight or evangelical doctrine. We have the right to respect.
當年齡漸長，我開始去接受，我確實是一個女權主義者，並且為之自豪。我秉持著這樣的信念：男女平等。我們應該享受同工同酬。我們有權利以自己想要的方式在世上行走，不受到任何騷擾或者暴力。我們有權享受簡單，可以支付得起的避孕方式，和生殖健康服務。我們有權利為自己的身體作出決定，不受法律監管或者宗教教條束縛。我們有權尊重別人和受到別人的尊重。
There's more. When we talk about the needs of women, we have to consider the other identities we inhabit. We are not just women. We are people with different bodies, gender expressions, faiths, sexualities, class backgrounds, abilities, and so much more. We need to take into account these differences and how they affect us, as much as we account for what we have in common. Without this kind of inclusion, our feminism is nothing.
還有更多。當我們談論到女性的需求，我們也要考慮到我們所具有的其他屬性。我們不僅僅是女性，我們形體不同，性別表達不同，信念，性取向，所處社會階層，能力等等都不同。當我們在考慮我們有哪些共同點的時候，也要考慮到這些不同之處以及這些不同之處是在如何影響我們。不把兩方面都囊括進去，女權主義沒有意義。
I hold these truths to be self-evident, but let me be clear: I'm a mess. I am full of contradictions. There are many ways in which I'm doing feminism wrong.
我認為這些是不容否認的事實，但還是要澄清，我自己很亂。充滿了矛盾。很多時候我錯誤的實行了女權主義。
I have another confession. When I drive to work, I listen to thuggish rap at a very loud volume.(Laughter) Even though the lyrics are degrading to women -- these lyrics offend me to my core -- the classic Yin Yang Twins song "Salt Shaker" -- it is amazing. (Laughter) "Make it work with your wet t-shirt. Bitch, you gotta shake it 'til your camel starts to hurt!" (Laughter) Think about it. (Laughter)Poetry, right? I am utterly mortified by my music choices. (Laughter)
我要再懺悔一次。當我開車去上班時，我用很大的音量聽（內容）殘暴的饒舌歌。即使歌詞是在貶低女性，讓我深深地感到被冒犯。Ying Yang Twins有首著名的歌，”Salt Shaker“, 特別“棒”。“利用你溼透的T恤”。“婊子，你要搖起來，直到你的下身開始疼！” 大家想想。像詩一樣，是不是？我得說我需要改變在音樂上的偏好。
I firmly believe in man work, which is anything I don't want to do, including -- (Laughter) -- all domestic tasks, but also: bug killing, trash removal, lawn care and vehicle maintenance. I want no part of any of that. (Laughter) Pink is my favorite color. I enjoy fashion magazines and pretty things. I watch "The Bachelor" and romantic comedies, and I have absurd fantasies about fairy tales coming true.
我堅定地相信有的男性的工作。是我不想做的，比如所有家務，還有殺蟲，扔垃圾，修剪草坪，修車。我一點都不想做這些。我最喜歡的顏色是粉色。我喜歡時尚雜誌和漂亮的東西。我看”The Bachelor“(美國一檔真人秀) 和浪漫愛情喜劇。我還對童話故事在現實中實現 有著荒誕的想象。
Some of my transgressions are more flagrant. If a woman wants to take her husband's name, that is her choice, and it is not my place to judge. If a woman chooses to stay home to raise her children, I embrace that choice, too. The problem is not that she makes herself economically vulnerable in that choice; the problem is that our society is set up to make women economically vulnerable when they choose. Let's deal with that.
我有些錯誤更讓人不能忍。如果一位女性想要把姓改成她老公的，那是她的選擇，我沒有權利去評價。如果一位女性選擇在家帶孩子，我也支持她的決定。問題並不是她的決定讓她在經濟上處於劣勢；問題是我們的社會形態導致女性在做出選擇時就會處於經濟上的劣勢。讓我們來解決這個問題。
I reject the mainstream feminism that has historically ignored or deflected the needs of women of color, working-class women, queer women and transgender women, in favor of supporting white, middle- and upper-class straight women. Listen, if that's good feminism -- I am a very bad feminist.
我拒絕主流的女權主義，因為它一直以來忽略或者扭曲了有色人種中的女性，工薪階層中的女性，同性戀或者變性者中女性的需求，而只是有力的支持中上流社會里異性戀的白人女性。聽著，如果那才是好的女權主義，我就是一名非常壞的女權主義者。
There is also this: As a feminist, I feel a lot of pressure. We have this tendency to put visible feminists on a pedestal. We expect them to pose perfectly. When they disappoint us, we gleefully knock them from the very pedestal we put them on. Like I said, I am a mess -- consider me knocked off that pedestal before you ever try to put me up there.
還有，作為一名女權主義者，我感到壓力很大。我們總是把女權主義者捧上神壇。我們期望他們表現完美。當他們讓我們失望，我們會很高興地把他們從神壇上踢下來。我說過，我自己很亂，所以與其把我捧上神壇，不如把我踢下來吧。
Too many women, particularly groundbreaking women and industry leaders, are afraid to be labeled as feminists. They're afraid to stand up and say, "Yes, I am a feminist," for fear of what that label means, for fear of being unable to live up to unrealistic expectations.
有太多女性，尤其是一些打破桎梏的女性以及商界領袖，都害怕被稱為女權主義者。他們不敢站出來說，“沒錯，我是女權主義者”。他們害怕這個標籤的意義，害怕做不到被加在身上的那些不現實的預期。
Take, for example, Beyoncé, or as I call her, The Goddess. (Laughter) She has emerged, in recent years, as a visible feminist. At the 2014 MTV Video Music Awards, she performed in front of the word "feminist" 10 feet high. It was a glorious spectacle to see this pop star openly embracing feminismand letting young women and men know that being a feminist is something to celebrate. As the moment faded, cultural critics began endlessly debating whether or not Beyoncé was, indeed, a feminist. They graded her feminism, instead of simply taking a grown, accomplished woman at her word. (Laughter) (Applause)
比如說，碧昂斯，我叫她“女神”。近些年她以一名女權主義者的形象出現。在2014MTV頒獎典禮上，她在10英尺的高臺上，站在“女權主義者”的牌子前表演。那場景真的是無與倫比的精彩表演。這位明星公開的擁護女權主義，讓年輕人們知道，成為一名女權主義者是件值得慶賀的事。當這一時刻漸漸被人們淡忘，文藝批評家們又開始無休無止的討論碧昂斯到底是不是個女權主義者。他們給她表現出的女權主義打分，而不是簡單地接受一個成熟，優秀的女性自己的說法。
We demand perfection from feminists, because we are still fighting for so much, we want so much,we need so damn much.We go far beyond reasonable, constructive criticism, to dissecting any given woman's feminism,tearing it apart until there's nothing left. We do not need to do that. Bad feminism -- or really, more inclusive feminism -- is a starting point.
我們對女權主義者力求完美，因為我們還在為了很多事情戰鬥，我們想要這樣，我們太需要這樣了。我們不再提出合理的，建設性的批評，而是自己剖析任何女性所表現出的女權主義，並徹底毀滅它。我們本不必這樣做。壞的女權主義，或者說，更具包容性的女權主義，只是個開始。
But what happens next? We go from acknowledging our imperfections to accountability, or walking the walk, and being a little bit brave. If I listen to degrading music, I am creating a demand for which artists are more than happy to contribute a limitless supply. These artists are not going to change how they talk about women in their songs until we demand that change by affecting their bottom line.Certainly, it is difficult. Why must it be so catchy?
但是接下來會發生什麼？我們要承認我們的不足併為其負責，或者繼續做我們承諾過的事情，但要勇敢一點。如果我聽有貶低性語言的歌曲，我就為這些藝術家提供了一個需求，而他們求之不得。如果我們不要求他們改變他們的底線，這些藝術家就不會改變他們在歌裡描述女性的方式。當然，（改變他們的底線）很困難。但這樣做到底有什麼吸引人之處呢？
It's hard to make the better choice, and it is so easy to justify a lesser one. But -- when I justify bad choices, I make it harder for women to achieve equality, the equality that we all deserve, and I need to own that.
做出一個更好的選擇很難，但是證明一個選擇不那麼好卻很容易。但是當我證明那些壞的的選擇的時候，我的做法使得 女性更難獲得應有的平等，我不得不承認。
I think of my nieces, ages three and four. They are gorgeous and headstrong, brilliant girls, who are a whole lot of brave. I want them to thrive in a world where they are valued for the powerful creatures they are. I think of them, and suddenly, the better choice becomes far easier to make.
我想到了我的兩個侄女，一個三歲，一個四歲。她們倆特別可愛，聰明又固執。還特別的勇敢。我希望他們能在一個能讓她們的優秀品質得到肯定的世界長大。我想到了她們，突然的，要做出更好的選擇，變的更容易。
We can all make better choices. We can change the channel when a television show treats sexual violence against women like sport, Game of Thrones. We can change the radio station when we hear songs that treat women as nothing. We can spend our box office dollars elsewhere when movies don't treat women as anything more than decorative objects. We can stop supporting professional sports where the athletes treat their partners like punching bags.
我們都能做出更好的選擇。我們可以在電視上出現 對女性表現性暴力的節目的時候換臺，比如體育節目，比如電視劇《權利的遊戲》。我們可以在聽見電臺裡播放對女性棄如敝履的歌曲時換臺。我們可以選擇看別的電影 如果電影不善待女性角色，而只是把她們作為點綴性角色。如果運動員們只把自己的同伴當做沙袋，我們也可以不再支持競技運動。
In other ways, men -- and especially straight white men -- can say, "No, I will not publish with your magazine, or participate in your project, or otherwise work with you, until you include a fair number of women, both as participants and decision makers. I won't work with you until your publication, or your organization, is more inclusive of all kinds of difference."
另外，男性們，尤其是異性戀的白人男性，可以說，除非有一定數量的女性參與決策，我不會出版你的雜誌，參與你的項目，或者跟你一起工作。我不會與你共事，除非你的出版物，或者你的組織裡包含了所有不同的人和事物。
Those of us who are underrepresented and invited to participate in such projects, can also decline to be included until more of us are invited through the glass ceiling, and we are tokens no more.
我們當中那些被低估了並且受邀參與這些項目的人，也可以在沒有更多的人 打破常規參與進來之前，拒絕參與。
Without these efforts, without taking these stands, our accomplishments are going to mean very little.We can commit these small acts of bravery and hope that our choices trickle upward to the people in power -- editors, movie and music producers, CEOs, lawmakers -- the people who can make bigger, braver choices to create lasting, meaningful change.
如果不做出這樣的努力，不去反抗（那些不平等的待遇），我們的個人成就所具有的意義將不那麼重大。我們鼓起勇氣做出這些看上去並不重大的舉動，希望能以積水成海的力量去影響那些更有權利和地位的人，比如主編們，電影和音樂製作人們，公司CEO們，法律制定者，等等那些可以做出更大更勇敢的決定的人，由他們去創造更深遠的影響。
We can also boldly claim our feminism -- good, bad, or anywhere in between. The last line of my book "Bad Feminist" says, "I would rather be a bad feminist than no feminist at all." This is true for so many reasons, but first and foremost, I say this because once upon a time, my voice was stolen from me,and feminism helped me to get my voice back.
我們也可以大膽的宣佈我們的女權主義，不管是好的還是壞的，或者介於二者之間的。我的書《壞女權主義者》裡最後一句話是這樣的，“比起什麼都不做，我寧願做一個壞的女權主義者。” 我這樣說的原因有很多，但是最重要的是，曾經一度，我無法表達自己的意見，是女權主義幫我贏回了這一權利。
There was an incident. I call it an incident so I can carry the burden of what happened. Some boys broke me, when I was so young, I did not know what boys can do to break a girl. They treated me like I was nothing. I began to believe I was nothing. They stole my voice, and in the after, I did not dare to believe that anything I might say could matter.
我曾經發生過一次意外。我把它叫做意外，讓我可以感覺不那麼沉重。有些男孩傷害了我。我當時很年輕，根本不知道為了傷害一個女孩，他們能做出什麼樣的事情。他們像對待廢物一樣對待我。讓我開始覺得我就是個廢物。他們奪走了我發表意見的權利，之後我都不敢想象，我說的話會有任何的意義。
But -- I had writing. And there, I wrote myself back together. I wrote myself toward a stronger version of myself. I read the words of women who might understand a story like mine, and women who looked like me, and understood what it was like to move through the world with brown skin. I read the words of women who showed me I was not nothing. I learned to write like them, and then I learned to write as myself. I found my voice again, and I started to believe that my voice is powerful beyond measure.
但是，我還能寫作。我通過寫作來找回自己。我通過寫作把自己鍛鍊的更強大。我讀了一些女性寫的文章，她們可能能理解我的經歷，或者跟我經歷過相似的事情，所以能明白棕色皮膚的人所面對的是怎樣一個世界。她們的文章讓我覺得我並非一無是處。我學著像她們一樣寫作。然後再以自己的風格寫作。我又重新找回了話語權，並且開始相信我的想法意見有著無法估量的力量。
Through writing and feminism, I also found that if I was a little bit brave, another woman might hear me and see me and recognize that none of us are the nothing the world tries to tell us we are.
通過寫作和實踐女權主義，我還發現瞭如果我能勇敢一點，其他女性就可以聽到我的演講，看到我，然後意識到，我們並不像這世界告訴我們的那樣無能。
In one hand, I hold the power to accomplish anything. And in my other, I hold the humbling reality that I am just one woman.
這隻手，掌握著能完成任何任務的力量。這另一隻手，掌握著一個事實，我其實只是一個女人。
I am a bad feminist, I am a good woman, I am trying to become better in how I think, and what I say, and what I do, without abandoning everything that makes me human. I hope that we can all do the same. I hope that we can all be a little bit brave, when we most need such bravery. (Applause)
我是一個壞的女權主義者。我是一個好女人。在不放棄任何人類屬性的前提下，我試著改進自己的思維方式，表達方式和行為方式。我希望我們都能這樣。我希望當我們需要勇氣的時候，我們都能勇敢一點。
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