A guy is sitting at an airport bar when he noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?" Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the BA slogan: "To Fly. To Serve?" She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, " ooh shit, she doesn't work for BA". A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched American Airlines off the list. Next he tried the United slogan: "I would really love to fly your friendly skies?" This time the woman turned on him "What the f**k do you want?" The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said... "ahhh, Ryanair".
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A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax -- OH MY GOD!" Silence followed and after a few minutes, the Captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilt it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants! A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing, he should see the back of mine!"
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Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.
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A welcome to a new co-pilot from an old captain:
Son, your wife's legs have more time in the air than you do.
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Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing (bolter): You've got to land here, son. This is where the food is.
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LH741: "Tower, give me a rough time-check!"
Tower: "It's Tuesday, Sir."
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Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR!
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Pilot: "...Tower, please call me a fuel truck."
Tower: "Roger. You are a fuel truck."
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Tower: "Phantom-Formation crossing control zone without clearance, state your call-sign !"
Pilot: "I'm not silly..."
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Tower (in Stuttgart): "Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170knots."
Pilot: "This is here like Frankfurt. There is also only 210 and170 knots...But we are flexible."
Tower: "We too. Reduce to 173 knots."
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Pilot: "Ground, XY-line 195, requesting start-up."
Tower: "Sorry, XY-line 195, we don't have your flight plan. What is your destination ?"
Pilot: "To Leipzig, like every Monday."
Tower: "But today is Tuesday!"
Pilot: "WHAT? But Tuesday we are off !"
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Tower: "Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ?"
Pilot: "Negative, Sir. It's only the same pilot."
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Tower: "Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, Marshall will park you."
Pilot: "Roger. Looking out for John Wayne."
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未完待續
By Chris Brady http://www.b737.org.uk
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