Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a hot, stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.
聽著,我的兒子：這是在你熟睡時我對你說的一番話.你的一隻小手彎曲著枕在小臉蛋兒下,溫溼的金色鬈髮貼在額前.我躡手躡腳地走進你的房間.之前,我在書房看報,突然,一陣懊悔襲上心頭,令我窒息.我忍無可忍,滿懷歉意地來到你的床前.
These are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.
這是我的心裡話,兒子：都是爸爸不好,總向你發脾氣.當你穿衣準備上學時,只是因為你拿毛巾在臉上胡亂一擦了事,我便責罵了你；只因你沒擦乾淨鞋子,我便訓斥你；只因你把東西亂扔在地板上,我也會對你大喊大叫.
At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Good-bye, Daddy!" and I frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your shoulders back!"
在你吃早飯時,我也總和你發脾氣.你把食物灑得到處都是；你囫圇吞棗；你將胳膊肘放在桌上；你在麵包上抹了太厚的黃油.我匆忙地要趕火車去上班,你也剛好吃完飯要跑出去玩,你轉過身,揮手向我喊道："爸爸,再見!"而我只是皺皺眉頭對你說："把胸挺起來!"
Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your socks. I humiliated you before your friends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Socks were expensive, and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father! It was such a stupid, silly logic.
晚上,又上演了同樣的事情.當我走上坡時,瞥見你蹲在那兒玩彈子,襪子都磨破了.於是我命令你跟我回家,使你在小夥伴們面前很尷尬.我責備你說,襪子很貴的,如果你得自己賺錢買襪子,你就知道珍惜了.兒子,是不是很難想象,這話是出自一個父親之口!多麼愚蠢的邏輯啊!
Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in, timidly, with a sort of hurt, hunted look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door.
還記得嗎?後來,有一次我在書房看報,你是如何怯生生地走進去的?眼中充滿了受傷害和受壓制的膽怯神情.我抬起頭來,因看報被你打擾而顯得不耐煩,你則遲疑地站在門口.
"What is it you want?" I snapped.
"你來幹什麼?"我厲聲呵斥道.
You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threwyour arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.
你什麼也沒說,鼓足了勇氣,跑向我.你用小胳膊摟住我的脖子,不斷地親吻我,一遍又一遍地.愛賦予你的小胳膊以無窮的力量,這愛是上帝對你的恩賜,是盛開在你心間的花朵,即使備受冷落也不會凋零.之後你轉身,噔噔噔地跑上了樓.
Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. When has habit been doing to me? The habit of complaining, finding fault, reprimanding - this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you;it was that I expected too much of you. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.
哦,兒子,不一會兒,報紙從我的手上滑落,一種難以言狀的恐懼侵襲著我.霎時間,我看清了自己,我的心有種說不出的痛.我什麼時候養成了這些惡習?怨天尤人,吹毛求疵,謾罵連連-這就是我給你的"獎賞",而你只不過是個孩子.我不是不愛你,只是對你期望太高.我是在用我這個年齡的標準去要求你.
And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of yours was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me goodnight. Nothing else matters, tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt here, choked with emotion and so ashamed!
你性格中有許多美好而真實的特質.你幼小的心靈猶如群山之上噴薄而出的曙光一樣寬廣.你情不自禁地跑來,親吻我道晚安的事就足以證明了這一點.兒子,今晚,其他任何事情都不再重要,我在黑暗中走來,跪在你的床邊,心潮起伏,悔恨不已!
It is a feeble atonement;I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy. I will chum with you, suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual, "He is nothing but a boy, a little boy!"
我知道這是於事無補的,如果你醒著,你也不會理解我對你說的這些話.但是明天我要成為真正的爸爸,我要做你的好朋友,和你同歡喜,共患難.當無耐心的話溜至嘴邊時,我要忍住不說.我要時刻告誡自己："他不過是個孩子-一個小男孩!"
I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your bed, I see that you are still a little boy. Yesterday you were in your mother's arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much!
我擔心自己可能是把你當成大人了.可是,兒子,當我現在看到你柔弱地蜷縮在小床上時,我終於意識到了,你只不過是個孩子.昨天你還躺在媽媽的臂彎裡,頭靠著她的肩膀撒嬌.我對你的要求太多了,簡直苛刻!
Dear boy! Dear little son! A penitent kneels at your infant shrine, here in themoonlight. I kiss the little fingers, and the damp forehead, and the yellow curls, and, if it were not for waking for you, I would snatch you up and crush you to my breast.
親愛的孩子!我可愛的寶貝兒子!月光下一個懺悔者跪在你面前,我親吻著你的小手、你汗溼的額頭和金色的鬈髮.若不是怕驚醒你,我真想一把把你抱起,緊緊地貼近我的胸膛.
Tears came and heartache and remorse and, I think, a greater, deeper love, when you ran through the library door and wanted to kiss me!
我痛心和悔恨的淚水頓時湧了出來.我知道,當你跑進我的書房親吻我向我道晚安時,你心存至真、至純且至深的愛!
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