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據悉，全國離婚率連續15年上漲，部分網友認為，"離婚冷靜期"或減少衝動離婚行為。民政部公佈的數據顯示，從2003年起，我國離婚率連續15年上漲，由1987年的0.55‰上升為2017年的3.2‰。2018年離婚率繼續保持3.2‰。那如何打造幸福婚姻呢？我們一起來看看視頻吧！
官方建議：視頻為雙語版本，先看視頻學習一遍，再回來看文本進行深度學習，效果更顯著哦！
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試試中英文本對照：
Almost 50 years ago, psychiatrists Richard Rahe and Thomas Holmes developed an inventory of the most distressing human experiences that we could have.
差不多五十年前，精神病學家理查德·賴特和托馬斯·赫姆斯列出了一份清單，包含了我們所能擁有的最痛苦的人類經歷。
Number one on the list? Death of a spouse. Number two, divorce. Three, marital separation.
排名第一的是配偶的去世。第二是離婚。第三是婚內分居。
Now, generally, but not always, for those three to occur, we need what comes in number seven on the list, which is marriage.
通常是這樣，但並非絕對的。要讓這三件事情發生，我們需要先實現名單上的第七條，也就是婚姻。
Fourth on the list is imprisonment in an institution.
名單上的第四條是在監獄裡被監禁。
When the life stress inventory was built, back then, a long-term relationship pretty much equated to a marriage.
在這份生活壓力清單誕生的那個年代，一段長期的關係幾乎等同於婚姻。
Not so now. So for the purposes of this talk, I'm going to be including de facto relationships,common-law marriages and same-sex marriages, or same-sex relationships soon hopefully to become marriages.
現在情況已經不同了。為了本次演講的目的，我將會說到同居關係以及同性婚姻，或者說同性關係（希望很快會成為合法婚姻）。
And I can say from my work with same-sex couples, the principles I'm about to talk about are no different. They're the same across all relationships.
基於我與若干對同性伴侶的合作，我要談的原則沒有什麼不同。它們在所有關係中都適用。
So in a modern society, we know that prevention is better than cure.We vaccinate against polio, diphtheria, tetanus, whooping cough, measles.We have awareness campaigns for melanoma, stroke, diabetes -- all important campaigns.
在現代社會中，我們知道預防勝於治療。我們接種疫苗，是為了預防脊髓灰質炎，白喉，破傷風，百日咳，麻疹。我們還舉行了關於黑色素瘤、中風、糖尿病的認知活動，這些都是重要的活動。
But none of those conditions come close to affecting 45 percent of us.Forty-five percent: that's our current divorce rate. Why no prevention campaign for divorce?
但其中沒有一項能影響接近45%的人口（沒有一項在清單上）。45%：這就是我們目前的離婚率。為什麼就沒有預防離婚的活動呢？
Well, I think it's because our policymakers don't believe that things like attraction and the way relationships are built is changeable or educable.
我認為這是因為，我們的政策制定者不相信吸引力和建立關係的方式是可以改變的，或者可以教育的。
Why? Well, our policymakers currently are Generation X. They're in their 30s to 50s.
為什麼呢？事實上，目前我們的政策制定者是X一代。他們的年齡在30至60歲。
And when I'm talking to these guys about these issues, I see their eyes glaze over, and I can see them thinking,
當我和這些人談論這些問題時，我看到他們一臉茫然，很顯然他們在想：
"Doesn't this crazy psychiatrist get it?You can't control the way in which people attract other people and build relationships."
"難道這個瘋狂的精神病學家不明白嗎？你不能控制人們相互吸引和建立關係的方式。"
Not so, our dear millennials. This is the most information-connected, analytical and skeptical generation, making the most informed decisions of any generation before them.
而對我們親愛的千禧一代來說並不是這樣的。這是信息聯繫最緊密、分析能力最強、最具懷疑精神的一代，相比之前的任何一代人，他們能做出最明智的決定。
And when I talk to millennials, I get a very different reaction. They actually want to hear about this.They want to know about how do we have relationships that last.
當我和千禧一代交談時，我得到了一個非常不同的反應。他們樂意洗耳恭聽。他們想知道我們該如何維持長久的關係。
So for those of you who want to embrace the post-"romantic destiny" era with me,let me talk about my three life hacks for preventing divorce.
所以，對於那些想和我一起擁抱"後浪漫命運"時代的人，不妨聽我說說三個防止離婚的生活技巧吧。
Now, we can intervene to prevent divorce at two points:later, once the cracks begin to appear in an established relationship;or earlier, before we commit, before we have children. And that's where I'm going to take us now.
我們可以在兩個時間點進行干預，以防止離婚：在後期，當一個確定的關係出現了裂縫的時候；或者在早期，在我們做出承諾之前，生孩子之前。這就是我現在要討論的時期。
So my first life hack: millennials spend seven-plus hours on their devices a day. That's American data.
我的第一個生活技巧：千禧一代每天花在電子設備上的時間達到了七小時以上。這是美國的數據。
And some say, probably not unreasonably, this has probably affected their face-to-face relationships.
有人說，該說法可能不無道理，這可能會影響他們面對面時的關係。
And it's no great surprise that the 20-somethings that I work with will often talk to me about how it is often easier for them to have sex with somebody that they've met than have a meaningful conversation.
這也難怪，與我合作的那些20多歲的年輕人往往會和我談到：相比展開一次有意義的對話，跟遇到的人直接發生性關係，常常更容易。
Now, some say this is a bad thing. I say this is a really good thing.It's a particularly good thing to be having sex outside of the institution of marriage.
有人說這是件壞事兒。我卻說這真是一件好事兒。在結婚之前，發生性關係尤其是件好事兒。
Now, before you go out and get all moral on me, remember that Generation X, in the American Public Report,they found that 91 percent of women had had premarital sex by the age of 30.
在你開始評論我的道德觀之前，別忘了，在《美國公共報告》中，他們發現X一代中，有91%的女性在30歲之前有過婚前性行為。
See, boomers in the '60s -- they were getting married at an average age for women of 20 and 23 for men.2015 in Australia? That is now 30 for women and 32 for men.
想想看，60年代嬰兒潮時期出生的人們--他們結婚時女性平均年齡為20歲，男性為23歲。2015年澳大利亞的數據表明，女性婚齡推遲到了30歲，男性是32歲。
That's a good thing, because the older you are when you get married, the lower your divorce rate.Why? Why is it helpful to get married later? Three reasons.
這是件好事。因為你越是晚婚，離婚率就越低。為什麼呢？為什麼晚婚有助於維持婚姻？有三個原因。
Firstly, getting married later allows the other two preventers of divorce to come into play.They are tertiary education and a higher income, which tends to go with tertiary education.So these three factors all kind of get mixed up together.
第一，晚婚可以讓防止離婚的另外兩個因素髮揮作用。即高等教育和較高的收入。這樣的人也往往願意與高學歷的人結婚。這三個因素幾乎是交織在一起的。
Number two, neuroplasticity research tell us that the human brain is still growing until at least the age of 25.So that means how you're thinking and what you're thinking is still changing up until 25.
第二，神經可塑性研究告訴我們，人類的大腦在25歲之前仍然在發育。這意味著，你的思維方式以及你所思考的事物在25歲之前都是不斷變化的。
And thirdly, and most importantly to my mind, is personality.Your personality at the age of 20 does not correlate with your personality at the age of 50.But your personality at the age of 30 does correlate with your personality at the age of 50.
第三，對我來說最重要的---是人格。你在20歲時的人格與50歲時的人格並不相關。但是你在30歲時的人格與50歲時的人格是有關的。
So when I ask somebody who got married young why they broke up, and they say, "We grew apart,"they're being surprisingly accurate, because the 20s is a decade of rapid change and maturation.So the first thing you want to get before you get married is older.
所以，當我問一個早婚的人他們為什麼分手時，他們會說，"我們都變了。"真是一語中的，因為20多歲正是人們迅速變化和成熟的十年。所以你在結婚前想做的第一件事就是變得更加成熟。
Number two, John Gottman, psychologist and relationship researcher,can tell us many factors that correlate with a happy, successful marriage.
第二，心理學家和關係研究員約翰·戈特曼可以告訴我們許多與幸福和成功的婚姻相關的因素。
But the one that I want to talk about is a big one:81 percent of marriages implode, self-destruct, if this problem is present.And the second reason why I want to talk about it here is because it's something you can evaluate while you're dating.
但我想談的是個很大的因素：存在這個問題的婚姻中，有80%會破裂並走向終結。我想在這裡談論它，是因為你在約會時就可以對它進行評估。
Gottman found that the relationships that were the most stable and happy over the longer term were relationships in which the couple shared power.They were influenceable: big decisions, like buying a house, overseas trips, buying a car, having children.
戈特曼發現，在那些最穩定和幸福的長期關係中，夫妻雙方會共享權力。他們相互影響：特別是在重大事情的決定上，比如買房子，出國旅行，買車，生孩子。
But when Gottman drilled down on this data, what he found was that women were generally pretty influenceable.Guess where the problem lay?
但是當戈特曼深入研究這些數據時，他發現，女性通常都是易受對方影響的。猜猜問題在哪裡？
Yeah, there's only two options here, isn't there? Yeah, we men were to blame.
沒錯，這裡只有兩個選擇。是的，責任在我們男人身上。
The other thing that Gottman found is that men who are influenceable also tended to be "outstanding fathers."
戈特曼發現的另一件事是，願意被影響的男人也往往被認為是"傑出的父親。"
So women: How influenceable is your man? Men: you're with her because you respect her.Make sure that respect plays out in the decision-making process.
那麼女士們：你的男人有多麼願意受你影響？先生們：你和她在一起，因為你尊重她。請確保你在做決定時也會帶著這樣的尊重。
Number three. I'm often intrigued by why couples come in to see me after they've been married for 30 or 40 years.This is a time when they're approaching the infirmities and illness of old age.It's a time when they're particularly focused on caring for each other.They'll forgive things that have bugged them for years.They'll forgive all betrayals, even infidelities, because they're focused on caring for each other.
第三，我常常很好奇，為什麼那些夫妻在結婚了三四十年之後才來找我。在這段時期，他們正在經歷著高齡帶來的衰弱和疾病。也正是在這段時期，他們特別專注於彼此照顧。他們會原諒多年來困擾他們的事。他們會原諒舊日的背叛甚至不忠，因為他們專注於彼此關懷。
So what pulls them apart? The best word I have for this is reliability, or the lack thereof.Does your partner have your back? It takes two forms.
那是什麼把他們分開了呢？對此，我能想到的最恰當的詞是信任度，或缺乏信任。你的伴侶支持你嗎？支持有兩種形式。
Firstly, can you rely on your partner to do what they say they're going to do? Do they follow through?
首先，你相信你的伴侶會說到做到嗎？他們會堅持到底嗎？
Secondly, if, for example, you're out and you're being verbally attacked by somebody,or you're suffering from a really disabling illness,does your partner step up and do what needs to be done to leave you feeling cared for and protected?
其次，比如說，如果你出門在外被人用言辭羞辱，或者你患有一種讓你生活無法自理的疾病，你的伴侶是否會做出相應的行動，讓你感到被人照顧和保護？
And here's the rub: if you're facing old age, and your partner isn't doing that for you, in fact, you're having to do that for them -- then in an already-fragile relationship,it can look a bit like you might be better off out of it rather than in it.
這就是問題所在：如果你已步入暮年，而你的伴侶並沒有做到這些的話，事實上，你反而不得不為他們這樣做--而你們的關係已經脆弱不堪，那麼看上去，脫離這段關係對你來說會更好。
So is your partner there for you when it really matters? Not all the time,80 percent of the time, but particularly if it's important to you.
因此，在重要的時刻，你的伴侶會陪著你嗎？我不是說所有的時間，就說80%的時間，特別是在很重要的事情上。
On your side, think carefully before you commit to do something for your partner.It is much better to commit to as much as you can follow through than to commit to more sound-good-in-the-moment and then let them down.And if it's really important to your partner, and you commit to it, make sure you move hell and high water to follow through.
對你來說，在你對伴侶做出承諾前要三思而行。要能夠量力而行的做出承諾，相比當時信誓旦旦，後來卻讓他們失望要好的多。如果這對你的伴侶非常重要，並且你已經做出了承諾，請確保你無論如何都要兌現諾言。
I believe that the most important decision that you can make is who you choose as a life partner,who you choose as the other parent of your children. And of course, romance has to be there. Romance is a grand and beautiful and quirky thing.
我認為，你可以做出的最重要的決定就是選擇誰作為生活伴侶，選擇誰作為孩子的另一個家長。當然，浪漫不能少。浪漫是一件盛大、美麗而又神奇的事情。
But we need to add to a romantic, loving heart an informed, thoughtful mind, as we make the most important decision of our life. Thank you.
但當我們做出生命中最重要的決定時，還要懷有一顆浪漫的、充滿愛的心，以及一個理解的、體貼周到的頭腦。謝謝大家。
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關鍵字: 離婚率 連續 relationships
