Why would the waitress get mad when I tried to tip her after dinner in China? And what does shabi mean in Chinese?
饭后，我给中国女服务员小费，为什么她生气了？中文里的“shabi”是什么意思（上）
评论翻译
Jul 10
hahhahahaha, poor guy, I am so sorry thatyou encountered this, but it is totally the culture differences. China doesn’thave the tip culture, if you do, people will think you are humiliating them(with such small amount of money XD). and Shabi means idiot, hahahaha I cantotally picture the waiter said that to you, it is horrible and rude, I know,but it is so funny.
哈哈哈哈哈，可怜的家伙，遇到这种事情我真是为你感到难过，但这完全是文化差异造成的。中国没有小费文化，如果你这么做了，人们会觉得你是在羞辱他们（那一点点钱你也好意思拿的出手）。而shabi指的是白痴的意思，哈哈哈哈。我完全可以想象那个服务员对你说这句话时的情景，我知道，这确实可怕又粗鲁，但是真是太搞笑了。
Tom McGregor, I lived in Beijing since Oct.2010
Answered Jul 9
This is a good question and demonstrates amajor difference between Western and Asia-Pacific cultures. According toWestern standards, if a waitress provides excellent or at least decent service,we are expected to offer a tip after the meal and failure to do so implies youare a cheapskate and insulting the waitress.
Nonetheless, Asians of the Far East hold adifferent perspective on tips and I had learned about it the hard way when Ifirst arrived in South Korea in 2001. After finishing my meal, I left a tip onthe table and the waitress rushed outside screaming and throwing the moneyright back at me. But still I was ignorant and foolishly tried to hand the tipback to her.
But she threw the money on the ground, spaton it, stomped her foot on the money as well and stormed back into the restaurantwhile still screaming. I just picked up my money and vowed never to return tothere again.
Later that day, I was meeting aKorean-American friend, who spent 10 years living in New York before movingback to Seoul to work as an English teacher at a private kindergarten. I toldhim about the incident and he started laughing so much.
My Korean-American friend fully-understoodAmerican customs and for a few years in his life, he told me that he hadfriends in the Chinese mafia, so he gave me his crude explanation. He informedme that in Korean society, the only waitress who receives a tip is a bar girlworking at what is called a “room salon,” where they serve men drinks and sellsex after the male customer gets drunk.
Well I felt foolish and regret my actionsand considering that the waitress I tried to hand a tip to was an elderly womanand probably a grandmother, I wished somebody had told me about this taboobeforehand. I thought I was demonstrating my generosity, while the waitressbelieved I was mocking her with a crude sex joke. What an unfortunate set ofcircumstances, which had transpired that day.
I advise all Westerners before visiting adifferent country to conduct some research to learn more about the customs ofthe nation you are visiting. For example, many Asians insist that if you entertheir homes, you must take off your shoes, but in Western countries if you area visitor making a brief stay at someone’s home, they might think you areacting weird for taking off your shoes and worry that you will emanate a strongfoul foot odor on account of that.
So yet again, you see how opposite actionsconvey different meaning in different cultures. Giving a tip in a Westernrestaurant is good, whereas doing the same in China could cause serious loss offace to the waitress.
Meanwhile, it reminds me about when my dadvisited Beijing to meet my wife, Chinese native Zhou Yawei and our son Peter.Quite often, my wife served as his cultural guardian. She had to repeatedlyremind him to take off his shoes when entering our home and when he wanted topay for our meals, we had to make sure he never left a tip on the table.
But this was a good experience for my dad,because he holds very American traits and he learned to appreciate thedifferences in customs between the Chinese and Americans. Fortunately, helearned these lessons without embarrassing himself like I had done.
这个问题相当好，表现出了西方和亚太文化之间的一个主要差异。根据西方标准，如果一个女服务员提供了很好的服务，那么餐后一般要付小费，如果不这么做的话会被认为是吝啬鬼，是对女服务员的羞辱。
然而，远东的亚洲人对小费的看法则很不一样，我2001年第一次去韩国时就受到了深刻的教训。在就餐完毕后，我在桌上留下了一笔小费，服务员跑了出来尖叫着将钱砸在我身上。但是我还不知道是怎么回事，依然愚蠢地要将小费给她。
然后她将钱扔在地上，往钱吐口水，用脚踩，然后尖叫着跑回了餐馆。于是我捡起钱，发誓以后再也不去那家餐馆了。
Gerald Chan
Jul 10 · 12 upvotes including Tom McGregor
Not exactly correct but yes, a tip in Asianculture is an indicator of other intent beyond an honest & fairtransaction.
In most Asian cultures, even where tippingdoes occur in certain subsets of society, it is often associated with bribery,sexual favour, crude pity on the poor and all other general negative stuff inthese three main categories.
You see, in Asian culture, food has alwaysbeen something that reinforces family, bonding, social gatherings and generallypositive things beyond just the act of nutrition. Therefore, there's unspokenrule that selling food at the honest & fair price is seen as the norm.Tipping just doesn't exist for many sections of the society.
Therefore, as these two things colllide,tipping is seen generally as a request for something extra. When that 'extra'option does not exist, the tip is automatically read as an insulting gesture,whether implying sexual intent or excessive greed for money due to poverty.
I would think the elderly lady was moreinsulted because the tip seem to indicate she is so poor that she needs moneyfrom questionable sources. A crude sexual joke is certainly putting it wayy toomidly.
不是非常正确，但在亚洲，给小费确实意味着其他的意图，不再是诚实公正的交易。
在大部分亚洲文化里，即使在社会的某些方面存在着给小费的行为，但是那通常都和贿赂，性恩惠以及对穷人的怜悯等等联系在一起。
在亚洲文化中，食物除了营养作用外，还具有加强家庭关系，亲密关系，社交等等积极的作用。因此，这里就有一条不成文的规定，那就是食物的销售必须童叟无欺，价格公道，这被视为常态。在很多社会领域，不存在给小费一说。
因此，当这两个事物相碰撞时，给小费就会被视为是在要求额外的服务。而当那个“额外的”选择不存在时，给小费就会被自动的解读为一个羞辱人的行为，可能是表示性意图，也可能是表示因为贫穷而对金钱过度的贪婪。
这个年纪较大的韩国女服务员更多的可能是因为给小费意味着她很贫穷所以需要从可疑的来源那里获得金钱，而不是因为性玩笑。
Antonius Lin
Jul 10 · 8 upvotes including Tom McGregor
Also in some subgroups, even when there'sno sexual connotation attached to tipping, there's another negative one:laziness.
With lots of generalizing involved, I cansay that for east Asians, employer and employee / customer and vendorrelationships are set and predefined before services are rendered. So giving atip is like stating that we were lazy and didn't do a good enough job that weneed to be more motivated by extra money instead of the tip being seen as anact of gratitude. As a heavily self-reflecting or sometimes even self-punishingculture, gratitude is typically more expected in the form of returning to saidbusiness / keeping the employment / promotion, etc.
而且在某些次群体中，即使给小费没有性的含义，但还存在另一个消极的含义：懒惰。
通过归纳，我认为对于东亚人而言，雇主和雇员/消费者和商贩的关系是固定的，在服务提供之前就已经被定义了，所以给小费就好比在说我们很懒，我们没有做好工作，因此需要被额外的金钱（即小费）激励，而不把小费视为感恩之举。在一个严重自省甚至有时是自罚的文化里，感恩之情一般表现在成为回头客，保持就业以及升职等方面上。
Warren K. Liu
Jul 18 · 2 upvotes
Tipping in Japan is also considered aninsult. The Japanese see it as their duty to serve the customer well. Franklythe tipping culture in the US is a mess of confusion for the customer. I’ve hatedit for the 16 years that I lived there. To add on top of that the menu pricesdoesn’t include taxes so the actual price of a meal needs some mentalgymnastics. Would’ve been much easier if prices on the menu was net price. WhenI was still a student, I dreaded eating at most places because I didn’t knowwhether I actually had enough cash for the meal. Like if I had $20 and Iordered a 14.99 item, do I actually have enough to pay for it. Decades laterit’s turned into, can’t you just tell me how much exactly including tips so Idon’t have to guess and just pay
在日本，给小费也被视为一种羞辱之举。日本人认为服务好客户是自己的职责。坦白说，美国的小费文化给客人带来了不小的麻烦。我在美国住了16年，一直都讨厌这种文化。而且，菜单上的价格并不包括税收，所以一顿饭的实际价格到底是多少，你自己还得心算一下。如果菜单上的价格是税后价那该多好啊。在我还是学生时，我最害怕去外面吃饭了，因为我不知道自己到底带没带够钱。比如我身上有20美元，点了一个14.99美元的食物，够用吗？几十年过去了，现在的情况是：你们能不能直接告诉我多少钱，包括小费，这样我就可以直接付，不用猜来猜去了。
Donald Kirk
Jul 10 · 9 upvotes including Tom McGregor
One break we get in Korea, Japan, China isnot having to tip — saves a lot of trouble. In the west, we pay first for themeal, then we have to pay extra, sometimes a lot extra, for the wait people.Thank goodness for no-tipping policies in Asia!
中日韩的一个好处就是没必要给小费，省了很多麻烦。在西方，首先是支付饭钱，然后还要给服务员支付小费，有时候还不少。感谢亚洲的无小费政策！
Zhou Dawei
Jul 10
Tipping is not really a “Western” custom -it’s mostly an American thing.
In Australia and most of Europe tipping isnot expected or encouraged in any way. People would probably find it strange tobe tipped, although they would not think you thought of them as a prostitutelike in your Korean example.
The US is the main place where tippinghappens. A big reason for that is probably because minimum wages in the US areso much lower than in comparable Western countries. Service staff have nochoice but to expect people to give them tips, because otherwise they wouldhave no way of making a decent living.
给小费并非“西方”传统，主要是美国人这么干。
在澳洲和大部分欧洲国家，人们并不期望也不鼓励给小费。被给小费的人可能还会觉得很奇怪，当然不会像那个韩国服务员那样觉得你把她看成了妓女。
给小费主要发生在美国。一大原因可能是因为美国的最低工资比同等西方国家低多了。服务业从业人员别无选择，只能期望人们给小费，否则过不了体面生活。
Jori V
Jul 10
Your “western standards” are Americanstandards. Taking off shoes: in Europe it’s 50/50, in general in southernEurope, France and UK you will keep your shoes on when entering someones home.If there is a shoe rack next to entrance you are expected to take off yourshoes, if not otherwise stated by your host. And regarding tipping, nobody elsedoes that like Americans. In US the major part of waitress's incomes comes fromtips as their fixed salary is really low. Sure if service has been really goodyou may do that in Europe, but it’s not really expected. That story whathappened to you in Korea was interesting tho :)
你所谓的“西方标准”其实是美国标准。脱鞋：在欧洲，是五五分，一般而言在南欧，法国和英国，进入某人家里时你可以不脱鞋。如果入口处有鞋架，或者主人要求之下，那么应该要脱鞋。就给小费而言，就只有美国人这么干。在美国，服务员收入的一大部分来自小费，因为他们的固定工资很低。如果服务真的很好，欧洲也可能给小费，但他们并不期望你给。不过你在韩国的经历倒是蛮有意思的。
Haiyan Chen, Native Chinese have the mostreal experience of China
Answered Jul 15
Even if you are anonymous, I can almostguess who you are.You have become a little smarter in this question. You havelearned that Chinese people will use "Shabi" instead of"bendan" if they want to scold a person in their daily life.
Your question doesn't meet the common senseat all. Chinese waiters may not accept tips, but they will never curse you"Shabi" for such insignificant reason .
it is very mean to insult China with theseunreal questions.
Do you learn Chinese just in order todemonize China with all kinds of unreal questions?
Let's take a look at a similar questionsomeone forged before:
A Chinese man shouted "Ben Dan!Kun!" at me when I caressed my girlfriend's butt in a restaurant in China.What does that mean?
虽然提问者匿名了，但是我几乎可以猜出你是谁。在这个问题上你变得更聪明了。你知道了中国人日常骂人时使用“shabi”而不是“bendan”。
你的这个问题根本不符常识。中国服务员或许不会接受小费，但是他们不会因为这个微不足道的理由就责骂你为“shabi”。
你的目的无非就是拿这些不存在的问题来中伤中国。
你学习中文的目的就是用这些不真实的问题来妖魔化中国吗？
我们来看看之前某人伪造的另一个类似的问题：
我在中国的一家餐馆里抚摸了我女朋友的屁股，一名中国男子向我喊到“ben dan！kun！”这是什么意思？