Have you ever noticed that good people often aren’t well respected? They help others out, they’re patient, they don’t hold grudges, but for some reason they constantly feel upset and lonely.
你是否发现当你想努力做一个好人，反而最终不会得到应有的尊重？当你不吝啬付出，当你变得很耐心，当你停止抱怨，当你想让一切变好时，却总有一些原因让你失落。
Psychologists believe the reason for this is mistakes in the way such people behave. We has outlined their reasoning for you with the help of some illustrations.
心理学家认为，人们常犯的几种错误，会导致这样的结果。下面配图说明。
Needless self-sacrifice
不必要的自我牺牲
You suppress your own needs for the sake of peace, but the world simply doesn’t notice. And when people offend you, you feel uncomfortable before the guilty party. This approach will inevitably mean that people will upset you over and over again.
你为了表面的相安无事而抑制自己内心的真实需求，但最终别人并不会注意到你的真实感受。而当别人一旦无心冒犯了你，你就会感觉很不自在。这样不可避免会导致别人一次又一次的伤害你。
- Don’t be afraid to tell the world about what you don’t like. It might not cost people anything to meet you halfway. On the other hand, your needless self-sacrifice will not be noticed by anyone at all. 不要害怕告诉别人你真正喜欢的是什么。让别人来满足下你的意愿，这对于别人来说，不会他们付出什么就能办得到。别外，你那不必要的自我牺牲根本没有人会在意。
A lack of self-respect
缺乏自尊
You don’t seem to feel it when people bump into you, or you close your eyes to these little uncomfortable moments. But someone who is rude by nature won’t love or respect you for that. So why are you putting up with it?
当别人冒犯了你，你似乎刻意逃避。要知道，有些人天生不会尊重别人的。所以你为什么还要忍耐呢？
- If someone behaves in a way that suggests they don’t give a damn about you, it means they really don’t. Don’t look for excuses for rude people. Respect yourself. 一个人对你的伤害是有心还是无意，相信你能看出来的。不要自己就为那些天生粗鲁的人找借口。从今天起，建立自尊。
Being dependent on the approval of others
看他人的脸色
People who have a pathological need for approval from others subconsciously give out signals that there’s something wrong with them. And people who others think have something wrong with them are usually avoided by virtually everyone.
有些人总是做完事，总是习惯从别人的脸色里得到答案。事实上，这样的人大家是都不太喜欢的。
- Stop waiting for praise. You don’t need to be told you’re a good person to actually be one. And don’t be scared of criticism. People will criticize you at various times for virtually anything you do, for one reason or another. Your opinion of yourself should always rank as the most important. 不要等着别人的点赞了吧。你不需要用别人的嘴来证明你是一个好人。不要害怕批评。无论你做任何事，总会有批评的声音存在。你对自己的评价才是最重要的。
Searching for the source of problems only within yourself
寻找自身原因
You automatically believe people are right, except when it comes to yourself. You put the responsibility for what’s going on around you on yourself. No one’s going to thank you for this. But taking advantage of you and making your life even harder might be easier for others under such circumstances.
你总是认为别人是对的，你是错的。你把所发生的一切都归咎于自己。要知道没有人会因此对你说声谢谢，而有些人会利用这一点，让你更加痛苦。
- Searching for those who are in the wrong is a thankless task. Torturing yourself will bring you neither love nor pity from others. It’s better to focus your efforts on finding a solution to the problem. 要分清谁对谁错，是一件费心不讨好的事情。折磨你自己也不会得到任何同情和怜悯。最好的办法是找出解决问题的方法。
Boasting
吹嘘
Emphasizing your virtues and begging for respect is the basis for a dependent relationship. In trying to convince those around you that you’re a good person, you’ll end up getting only rejection. Even if you really are a good person.
自爱是一段关系的基础。你用嘴向别人证明你是一个好人时，结果只能是徒劳。即使你确实是一个好人。
- You can show you’re worth something only by genuinely believing that you are yourself. When you know your own value, you don’t need to prove it to anyone. 只有先自己相信自己，才能向别人证明你的价值。而当你意识到自己的价值所在，你也没必要向所有人证明。
A fear of rejection
害怕拒绝
You don’t want to upset anyone even if it comes at the price of making you unhappy. You pretend everything’s ok to prevent others from worrying that you’re not satisfied. And the result is that you’re very often not satisfied.
你宁愿自己伤心，也不愿让别人不开心。你假装一切都好，让别人不要担心。这样做的结果就是你总是会感到不满意。
- Don’t be afraid to say "no." Even the nicest people in the world may try to use you if you allow them to. Help others only when you want to help them. 别害怕说“不”。即使这世界上你最信任的那个人，也会让你伤心的。
Being deaf to your own interests
专注自己的兴趣
You’ve become accustomed to adjusting to other people’s needs and find it difficult to understand what your own desires really are. You don’t decide for yourself what you do, and instead you take others’ wishes for your own. This is akin to an inability to make decisions and to a taste of helplessness, and it’s far from the true definition of kindness.
你总是习惯于改变自己来满足别人的需要，而忽略了自己的内心。你总是想活成别人心目中的样子，忘记了自己的理想。这样你的生活会失去自己的方向，感觉到无助和无味。真正意义上的好心肠并不是这样的。
- Learn to listen to your own desires, and don’t be afraid of offending others. The chances are your fears don’t really have a basis in reality, and it’s always possible to find a compromise. 学着倾听自己的内心，不要害怕得罪别人。你的担心和害怕可能都毫无意义，总会找到一种折中的办法。
Not setting a limit on what’s acceptable
任何事情和人都能够接受
You forgive others because it’s easier to do so than to stand up for yourself. When other people show disrespect toward you, you find an excuse for them in your mind.
你善于原谅别人而委屈求全。当别人伤害你时，你总会自己替他们找一个借口。
- You need to determine what you consider to be the limits of acceptable behavior. And then don’t let others overstep these boundaries in relation to you. People who allow everything are not respected. 你需要给自己的承受能力画一条线。在你与他人的关系中，不要让别人越过这条线。你太随便，反而得到他人的尊重。
A fear of loneliness
害怕孤单
You’re turning your relationship into a cult, sacrificing yourself. And what’s more, you feel comfortable doing so. This may be why bullies, narcissists, and egoists gravitate toward you: because you allow yourself to be used.
你非常看重一段关系，并经常靠自我牺牲来维持。并且，你觉得这样做没什么。这样会导致你会被身边那些恃强凌弱的人、自恋的人和奉行利己主义的人利用，因为是你允许了他们来这样对你。
- You don’t need to choose between your relationship and your own feelings of self-worth.If you’re having to make that choice, then something’s gone wrong. Be brave, and don’t be afraid of change. Think of being alone as being free rather than as loneliness, and then you won’t be alone for long. 你没有必要在一段关系的好坏和自我价值中做选择。如果你这么做了，很可能会犯错。勇敢些，不要害怕改变。把一个人看成是一种自由，而不孤单，而且，最终你也不会一个人太久。
Believing that respect needs to be earned
认为尊重是求来的
You don’t accept the fact that respect doesn’t have to be the result of actions or behavior. You don’t feel comfortable when your relationship with someone is one of equals because you’re firmly convinced that respect has to be earned. You feel that a person has value only if they’ve given something back.
你认为得到尊重是由于自己的付出得来的。当一段关系中是因为付出与回报对等，才能换来彼此尊重时，你是不会感觉到快乐的。你衡量一个人的标准只是能不能从他那里得到回报。
- You don’t need to "buy" love or respect. Learn to simply love and be loved unconditionally, as easily as breathing. 你不要奢求“买”来的爱或尊重。学会简单地爱与被爱。真正的爱与尊重应该像呼吸一样自然。
分享到:
閱讀更多 英語小視頻 的文章
