Why would the waitress get mad when I tried to tip her after dinner in China? And what does shabi mean in Chinese?
飯後，我給中國女服務員小費，為什麼她生氣了？中文裡的“shabi”是什麼意思（上）
評論翻譯
Jul 10
hahhahahaha, poor guy, I am so sorry thatyou encountered this, but it is totally the culture differences. China doesn’thave the tip culture, if you do, people will think you are humiliating them(with such small amount of money XD). and Shabi means idiot, hahahaha I cantotally picture the waiter said that to you, it is horrible and rude, I know,but it is so funny.
哈哈哈哈哈，可憐的傢伙，遇到這種事情我真是為你感到難過，但這完全是文化差異造成的。中國沒有小費文化，如果你這麼做了，人們會覺得你是在羞辱他們（那一點點錢你也好意思拿的出手）。而shabi指的是白痴的意思，哈哈哈哈。我完全可以想象那個服務員對你說這句話時的情景，我知道，這確實可怕又粗魯，但是真是太搞笑了。
Tom McGregor, I lived in Beijing since Oct.2010
Answered Jul 9
This is a good question and demonstrates amajor difference between Western and Asia-Pacific cultures. According toWestern standards, if a waitress provides excellent or at least decent service,we are expected to offer a tip after the meal and failure to do so implies youare a cheapskate and insulting the waitress.
Nonetheless, Asians of the Far East hold adifferent perspective on tips and I had learned about it the hard way when Ifirst arrived in South Korea in 2001. After finishing my meal, I left a tip onthe table and the waitress rushed outside screaming and throwing the moneyright back at me. But still I was ignorant and foolishly tried to hand the tipback to her.
But she threw the money on the ground, spaton it, stomped her foot on the money as well and stormed back into the restaurantwhile still screaming. I just picked up my money and vowed never to return tothere again.
Later that day, I was meeting aKorean-American friend, who spent 10 years living in New York before movingback to Seoul to work as an English teacher at a private kindergarten. I toldhim about the incident and he started laughing so much.
My Korean-American friend fully-understoodAmerican customs and for a few years in his life, he told me that he hadfriends in the Chinese mafia, so he gave me his crude explanation. He informedme that in Korean society, the only waitress who receives a tip is a bar girlworking at what is called a “room salon,” where they serve men drinks and sellsex after the male customer gets drunk.
Well I felt foolish and regret my actionsand considering that the waitress I tried to hand a tip to was an elderly womanand probably a grandmother, I wished somebody had told me about this taboobeforehand. I thought I was demonstrating my generosity, while the waitressbelieved I was mocking her with a crude sex joke. What an unfortunate set ofcircumstances, which had transpired that day.
I advise all Westerners before visiting adifferent country to conduct some research to learn more about the customs ofthe nation you are visiting. For example, many Asians insist that if you entertheir homes, you must take off your shoes, but in Western countries if you area visitor making a brief stay at someone’s home, they might think you areacting weird for taking off your shoes and worry that you will emanate a strongfoul foot odor on account of that.
So yet again, you see how opposite actionsconvey different meaning in different cultures. Giving a tip in a Westernrestaurant is good, whereas doing the same in China could cause serious loss offace to the waitress.
Meanwhile, it reminds me about when my dadvisited Beijing to meet my wife, Chinese native Zhou Yawei and our son Peter.Quite often, my wife served as his cultural guardian. She had to repeatedlyremind him to take off his shoes when entering our home and when he wanted topay for our meals, we had to make sure he never left a tip on the table.
But this was a good experience for my dad,because he holds very American traits and he learned to appreciate thedifferences in customs between the Chinese and Americans. Fortunately, helearned these lessons without embarrassing himself like I had done.
這個問題相當好，表現出了西方和亞太文化之間的一個主要差異。根據西方標準，如果一個女服務員提供了很好的服務，那麼餐後一般要付小費，如果不這麼做的話會被認為是吝嗇鬼，是對女服務員的羞辱。
然而，遠東的亞洲人對小費的看法則很不一樣，我2001年第一次去韓國時就受到了深刻的教訓。在就餐完畢後，我在桌上留下了一筆小費，服務員跑了出來尖叫著將錢砸在我身上。但是我還不知道是怎麼回事，依然愚蠢地要將小費給她。
然後她將錢扔在地上，往錢吐口水，用腳踩，然後尖叫著跑回了餐館。於是我撿起錢，發誓以後再也不去那家餐館了。
Gerald Chan
Jul 10 · 12 upvotes including Tom McGregor
Not exactly correct but yes, a tip in Asianculture is an indicator of other intent beyond an honest & fairtransaction.
In most Asian cultures, even where tippingdoes occur in certain subsets of society, it is often associated with bribery,sexual favour, crude pity on the poor and all other general negative stuff inthese three main categories.
You see, in Asian culture, food has alwaysbeen something that reinforces family, bonding, social gatherings and generallypositive things beyond just the act of nutrition. Therefore, there's unspokenrule that selling food at the honest & fair price is seen as the norm.Tipping just doesn't exist for many sections of the society.
Therefore, as these two things colllide,tipping is seen generally as a request for something extra. When that 'extra'option does not exist, the tip is automatically read as an insulting gesture,whether implying sexual intent or excessive greed for money due to poverty.
I would think the elderly lady was moreinsulted because the tip seem to indicate she is so poor that she needs moneyfrom questionable sources. A crude sexual joke is certainly putting it wayy toomidly.
不是非常正確，但在亞洲，給小費確實意味著其他的意圖，不再是誠實公正的交易。
在大部分亞洲文化裡，即使在社會的某些方面存在著給小費的行為，但是那通常都和賄賂，性恩惠以及對窮人的憐憫等等聯繫在一起。
在亞洲文化中，食物除了營養作用外，還具有加強家庭關係，親密關係，社交等等積極的作用。因此，這裡就有一條不成文的規定，那就是食物的銷售必須童叟無欺，價格公道，這被視為常態。在很多社會領域，不存在給小費一說。
因此，當這兩個事物相碰撞時，給小費就會被視為是在要求額外的服務。而當那個“額外的”選擇不存在時，給小費就會被自動的解讀為一個羞辱人的行為，可能是表示性意圖，也可能是表示因為貧窮而對金錢過度的貪婪。
這個年紀較大的韓國女服務員更多的可能是因為給小費意味著她很貧窮所以需要從可疑的來源那裡獲得金錢，而不是因為性玩笑。
Antonius Lin
Jul 10 · 8 upvotes including Tom McGregor
Also in some subgroups, even when there'sno sexual connotation attached to tipping, there's another negative one:laziness.
With lots of generalizing involved, I cansay that for east Asians, employer and employee / customer and vendorrelationships are set and predefined before services are rendered. So giving atip is like stating that we were lazy and didn't do a good enough job that weneed to be more motivated by extra money instead of the tip being seen as anact of gratitude. As a heavily self-reflecting or sometimes even self-punishingculture, gratitude is typically more expected in the form of returning to saidbusiness / keeping the employment / promotion, etc.
而且在某些次群體中，即使給小費沒有性的含義，但還存在另一個消極的含義：懶惰。
通過歸納，我認為對於東亞人而言，僱主和僱員/消費者和商販的關係是固定的，在服務提供之前就已經被定義了，所以給小費就好比在說我們很懶，我們沒有做好工作，因此需要被額外的金錢（即小費）激勵，而不把小費視為感恩之舉。在一個嚴重自省甚至有時是自罰的文化裡，感恩之情一般表現在成為回頭客，保持就業以及升職等方面上。
Warren K. Liu
Jul 18 · 2 upvotes
Tipping in Japan is also considered aninsult. The Japanese see it as their duty to serve the customer well. Franklythe tipping culture in the US is a mess of confusion for the customer. I’ve hatedit for the 16 years that I lived there. To add on top of that the menu pricesdoesn’t include taxes so the actual price of a meal needs some mentalgymnastics. Would’ve been much easier if prices on the menu was net price. WhenI was still a student, I dreaded eating at most places because I didn’t knowwhether I actually had enough cash for the meal. Like if I had $20 and Iordered a 14.99 item, do I actually have enough to pay for it. Decades laterit’s turned into, can’t you just tell me how much exactly including tips so Idon’t have to guess and just pay
在日本，給小費也被視為一種羞辱之舉。日本人認為服務好客戶是自己的職責。坦白說，美國的小費文化給客人帶來了不小的麻煩。我在美國住了16年，一直都討厭這種文化。而且，菜單上的價格並不包括稅收，所以一頓飯的實際價格到底是多少，你自己還得心算一下。如果菜單上的價格是稅後價那該多好啊。在我還是學生時，我最害怕去外面吃飯了，因為我不知道自己到底帶沒帶夠錢。比如我身上有20美元，點了一個14.99美元的食物，夠用嗎？幾十年過去了，現在的情況是：你們能不能直接告訴我多少錢，包括小費，這樣我就可以直接付，不用猜來猜去了。
Donald Kirk
Jul 10 · 9 upvotes including Tom McGregor
One break we get in Korea, Japan, China isnot having to tip — saves a lot of trouble. In the west, we pay first for themeal, then we have to pay extra, sometimes a lot extra, for the wait people.Thank goodness for no-tipping policies in Asia!
中日韓的一個好處就是沒必要給小費，省了很多麻煩。在西方，首先是支付飯錢，然後還要給服務員支付小費，有時候還不少。感謝亞洲的無小費政策！
Zhou Dawei
Jul 10
Tipping is not really a “Western” custom -it’s mostly an American thing.
In Australia and most of Europe tipping isnot expected or encouraged in any way. People would probably find it strange tobe tipped, although they would not think you thought of them as a prostitutelike in your Korean example.
The US is the main place where tippinghappens. A big reason for that is probably because minimum wages in the US areso much lower than in comparable Western countries. Service staff have nochoice but to expect people to give them tips, because otherwise they wouldhave no way of making a decent living.
給小費並非“西方”傳統，主要是美國人這麼幹。
在澳洲和大部分歐洲國家，人們並不期望也不鼓勵給小費。被給小費的人可能還會覺得很奇怪，當然不會像那個韓國服務員那樣覺得你把她看成了妓女。
給小費主要發生在美國。一大原因可能是因為美國的最低工資比同等西方國家低多了。服務業從業人員別無選擇，只能期望人們給小費，否則過不了體面生活。
Jori V
Jul 10
Your “western standards” are Americanstandards. Taking off shoes: in Europe it’s 50/50, in general in southernEurope, France and UK you will keep your shoes on when entering someones home.If there is a shoe rack next to entrance you are expected to take off yourshoes, if not otherwise stated by your host. And regarding tipping, nobody elsedoes that like Americans. In US the major part of waitress's incomes comes fromtips as their fixed salary is really low. Sure if service has been really goodyou may do that in Europe, but it’s not really expected. That story whathappened to you in Korea was interesting tho :)
你所謂的“西方標準”其實是美國標準。脫鞋：在歐洲，是五五分，一般而言在南歐，法國和英國，進入某人家裡時你可以不脫鞋。如果入口處有鞋架，或者主人要求之下，那麼應該要脫鞋。就給小費而言，就只有美國人這麼幹。在美國，服務員收入的一大部分來自小費，因為他們的固定工資很低。如果服務真的很好，歐洲也可能給小費，但他們並不期望你給。不過你在韓國的經歷倒是蠻有意思的。
Haiyan Chen, Native Chinese have the mostreal experience of China
Answered Jul 15
Even if you are anonymous, I can almostguess who you are.You have become a little smarter in this question. You havelearned that Chinese people will use "Shabi" instead of"bendan" if they want to scold a person in their daily life.
Your question doesn't meet the common senseat all. Chinese waiters may not accept tips, but they will never curse you"Shabi" for such insignificant reason .
it is very mean to insult China with theseunreal questions.
Do you learn Chinese just in order todemonize China with all kinds of unreal questions?
Let's take a look at a similar questionsomeone forged before:
A Chinese man shouted "Ben Dan!Kun!" at me when I caressed my girlfriend's butt in a restaurant in China.What does that mean?
雖然提問者匿名了，但是我幾乎可以猜出你是誰。在這個問題上你變得更聰明瞭。你知道了中國人日常罵人時使用“shabi”而不是“bendan”。
你的這個問題根本不符常識。中國服務員或許不會接受小費，但是他們不會因為這個微不足道的理由就責罵你為“shabi”。
你的目的無非就是拿這些不存在的問題來中傷中國。
你學習中文的目的就是用這些不真實的問題來妖魔化中國嗎？
我們來看看之前某人偽造的另一個類似的問題：
我在中國的一家餐館裡撫摸了我女朋友的屁股，一名中國男子向我喊到“ben dan！kun！”這是什麼意思？
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