（Quora熱門回答）翻譯：你後悔現有的婚姻麼？為什麼？
答：後悔
我同一個NRI（印度人，在國外生活工作度假）結婚了。他在高中畢業之後就到了新加坡，已經居住了10年。他的家人都是受過高等教育的，有工程師，建築師和教授。我們兩個是兩家人安排相親認識的。見了幾次面之後我們喜歡彼此，然後就訂婚了（這在印度非常常見）
。事情進展的很普通直到每晚我都會收到他的電話，每天早上都會收到他的短信。漸漸地我的親家母開始批評我說話和回話的方式。我也漸漸和她保持距離。我會和她說話，但是次數不多。儘管已經遭遇了這樣的情況，我們依然結婚了。我們關係也是可以的，直到我父親癌症晚期病發（結婚四個月之後）。
我們住在新加坡，我的家人和他的家人都住在老家，在同一個鎮。醫生診斷我的父親已經到了癌症晚期，只剩兩到三個月的時間。我的丈夫和他的家人已經都知道了這個事情，因為醫生是岳父的朋友。在我知道消息後的半個月的時間裡，他們不允許我回到印度探望父親。理由是：我是一個結了婚的女人，首要責任是我的丈夫和家庭。在他們看來我父親即將病死不算大事。我的丈母孃說我應該等到化療結束後再前往探病......化療在這個階段根本一點用處都沒有。但是我的丈夫說：“我的媽媽說的是對的”。我同丈夫以及岳母吵了一架之後然後回到了印度。我的父親見到我到了醫院，非常開心，情緒也很激動。上一次我們見面是在機場，他送我我前往新加坡，這一次再見他已經躺在ICU病房。
從這個時候我開始看到了我丈夫和他家人的真面目了。他們說：“我怎麼能夠離開我的丈夫來陪伴我自己的父母？”這是何等的折磨。他們認為我應該平衡二者，我應該照顧好丈夫處理好家務事，我應該照顧丈夫的父母，那才是印度人的文化。陪伴即將病死的父親，陪在我的媽媽和妹妹們身邊給與支持這件事不符合印度的文化。看到這裡面的諷刺和不人道了麼？我岳父居然幾次給我生病的父親打電話，譴責他，問他什麼時候讓他的女兒回到丈夫身邊，“我的兒子很孤單”。人怎麼能這樣殘忍的對待一個已經離死只剩幾個星期的老人。我的丈夫身體很健康，兩百斤以上，岳父認為照顧我的丈夫比照顧我將死的父親更重要。這樣的折磨持續了兩個月零10天，直到我父親逝去才消停。期間他們一直威脅要離婚。每一天我看著我的父親的生命之火一點點熄滅，與此同時我也遭受我丈夫和岳父長達三個月的精神折磨。我父親走了之後的第二天，他的爸媽就打電話過來讓我回去照顧丈夫，否則就只能讓我們兩人離婚。我真的受夠了，我下定決心我要和這樣沒有感情的機器人離婚，我的丈夫什麼都不能為我做，只知道聽從父母的命令。
父親死後，我們舉辦了一些儀式，家人捐贈錢和一些有用的物品給有需要的人，也舉行了禱告儀式。我的丈夫給我媽媽打電話說：“我爸爸說我沒必要去參加儀式所以我就不去參加了”。我的媽媽在53歲喪偶，只有我和我的妹妹兩個女兒，沒有兒子。對我媽媽來說他相當於一個兒子，他至少應該過來參加儀式。我一開始為什麼會和這樣的人結婚？這樣的兒子不應該從他爸爸的膝蓋上離開。
但是我的家人認為我應該給他和他的家人一次機會，儘管我對他和他的家人再也沒有了愛和尊敬，因為他們並沒有讓我的父親安靜的離去。人怎麼能夠如此冷血地折磨一個即將死去的老人？我仍然回到他的身邊。但是我們之間的關係繼續惡化。每當我的媽媽給我打電話傾訴沮喪和孤單，我的丈夫就開始同我爭吵，威脅要和我離婚，摔門。
他一直表現出他和他的家人很仁慈的讓我陪伴了我的父親長達兩個半月的時間。如果我膽敢有一點意見，他和他的父母就威脅要離婚。最終有一天，我的防線崩潰了，我終於決定從這段婚姻走出去。一切都該結束了，我終結了11個月的婚姻。
一年的時間裡面，我結婚了，目睹我的父親逝去，給他舉行葬禮，他們威脅要離婚將近十次，最終我們離婚了。我對那場婚姻很遺憾是因為我真的愛他，我從沒想到一個人會如此自私和冷酷無情。他就像是一個被父母控制的機器人。
我們沒有度蜜月，因為他的父母希望他省下所有的年假去印度陪伴他們!看看有多諷刺，在我父親病的很厲害，只剩不到20天的生命的時候，我的丈夫同我爭吵希望我離開我的父親，回去照顧他，生孩子組建家庭。
為什麼我的父親對他們來說一點都不重要？為什麼他的死亡不應該讓我悲傷？為什麼他們討厭我為父親的死而哭泣？為什麼他們會期望我離開即將死亡的父親，回去給我的丈夫做飯？
我不是女權主義者，但是如果他的父親-不是我的父親--得了癌症他會怎麼樣？我猜他會立即拋開新加坡所有的一切回到印度。他的父親當然比我的父親重要千倍百倍！
現在我對愛情持觀望態度，因為我見識瞭如此極端的冷漠和自私，我不在信任愛情。畢竟愛情不僅僅是燭光晚餐和約會看電影。我愛的這個人在我需要他的支持的時候沒有站在我這邊。
我也很我自己，因為我們在結婚之前談了9個月，有一些危險信號顯示出來但是我以為愛和互相理解會解決掉這些問題。我從沒想到這個人是這麼沒主見這麼的自私。我恨我自己愛著這樣一個人。
一個人度過人生總好比同一個自私沒有人性的人度過餘生。
以下為原文：（如翻譯有不妥，歡迎指出）
YES,
I married a NRI, who was educated abroad right after high school and was living there since ten years. His family too, was educated, comprising of engineers, architects and professors. We met socially in an arranged set up by both families. Few meetings more and we liked each other and got engaged. (very common in India). Things were normal and neutral till then…regular calls at night and good morning texts…Slowly mother in law started criticising my way of talking and answering. Gradually I kept distance from her, I talked to her but in limits. Among all these, we got married. Things were fine between me and him(my ex husband) till the news of my father’s last stage cancer broke ( just after 4 months of marriage).
We were living in Singapore, while his family and my family lived in same hometown. Doctor had diagnosed my father with last stage cancer and predicted 2–3 months of life span. My husband and my in laws knew this very well, as the doctor was my father in law’s friend, still not letting me come down to India for next 15 days!! REASON : I am married woman, my first responsibility is my husband and his family. ( my terminally ill father was not a big issue as per them ) My mother in law kept saying that I should go there once Chemo therapy gets over…Imagine is already knowing Chemo therapy has no meaning at this stage. My husband said “ My mom is saying right”. Somehow I fought with my husband and MIL and came to India. My father was very happy and also very emotional when he saw me in hospital where he was admitted. Last I saw him at airport, when we were leaving for Singapore after marriage. Next I saw him in ICU bed, in cancer unit.
Here is when everything started and got to see true colors of my husband and his family. They started torturing me saying “How can I leave my husband and stay with my parents ?? I suppose to balance both. I am suppose to take care of house. I am suppose to take care of in laws. thats our culture!!”. Staying with dying father, supporting mother and being there for younger sister thats not in our culture. You see the hypocrisy and heights of inhumanity. my father in law even called my ailing father several times to scold him saying “when are you sending your daughter back to our son. our son is alone there”. (how can a person behave like this to a person who is already on his death bed, just few weeks away from death???) His son, being very healthy ( 100+ kgs) is more important than my dying father. This ordeal continued for 2 months and 10 days (till my father died). So many threats for divorce, threats of setting me “ablaze” continued. I saw my father dying a little every day, and also I tolerated my husband’s and my in law’s threats for whole period of 3 months. My father passed away and they asked my family on very next day that “either send her back to us or we will divorce her”. I had enough, I decided I want divorce from such emotionless robot who can do nothing else other than following his parents commands.
The day after my father expired, we had some rituals where family members donate money and few useful things to needy people and perform some worship. my husband called my mother saying “ MY Daddy told its not required to go in this ceremony so I am not coming”. My mother, lost husband aged 53; We are two sisters, no brother. At least he should have come just for the sake of coming to the ceremony because, to my mother he was equivalent to son. I wonder why do such man marries at first place??? such kids should never go out from their daddy’s lap !!!
But my family convinced me to give him one more chance, though I had lost all the love and respect for him and his family because they did not let my father die peacefully. How can one be so inhuman to fight with a person who is already on the death bed. still I went back to him. but things between us continued to deteriorate. Whenever my mom called me because of feeling alone or upset, my husband started fighting, threatening me for divorce and banging doors !!
He always behaved that he and his family did me a huge favour by “allowing me and letting me” stay with my father for “looong 2.5 months”. I utter a single word, I would get divorce threat from him and his parents !! One day, all limits were crossed, I finally decided to move out from such marriage. Thats it, 11 months of marriage and I put an end to it.
In the span of one year, I got married, saw my father dying, cremated him, received almost 10 threats of divorce and finally divorced him !!! I regret my marriage because I really loved him. I never imagined a person could be so heartless and so selfish. He was no more than a ROBOT who was controlled by parents.
We never had honeymoon, because his parents wanted him to save all the annual leaves and spend those leaves staying with them in their hometown!! and look at the irony, When my father was serious, almost before some 15 -20 days before his death, My husband fought with me because he wanted me to leave my father in such condition, go back to him and plan a FAMILY!!
WHY MY FATHER IS OF NO IMPORTANCE ??? WHY HIS DEATH WAS NOT THE MATTER OF GRIEF??? WHY THEY HATED WHEN I CRIED FOR MY FATHER?? WHY THEY EXPECTED ME TO LEAVE MY DYING FATHER ALONE AND BE WITH MY HUSBAND TO COOK FOR HIM ???
I am not pseudo feminist here…but what would have happened if his father suffered cancer and died instead of mine!! He would have left every thing in singapore and would have left to his hometown same day!! His father, of course he is much much much more valuable than mine !!
now i am cynical towards love, since i have seen such heights of inhumanity and selfishness, i dont trust love anymore. after all love doesnt mean candle light dinners and movie dates. the person i loved was the one who never stood by me when I needed his support the most.
I hate myself too, because we dated for 9 months before marrying, there were few red flags but still i thought they could be solved with understanding. I didnt imagine him to be such spineless and selfish. I hate myself for loving such a person !!
Staying alone whole life is much better than Spending life with such mean, emotionless inhumans!!
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