You might think that if you've been born with functioning ears,listening shouldn't be all that hard.But some experts suggest that as many as one-in-four leaders struggles with being a decent listener, and you probably don't need an expert to tell you how common being a bad listener is in day-to-day life. Thankfully, getting better at this under appreciated skillis dead simple, according to one psychologist.
你可能会认为，我耳朵听力正常，倾听应该不成问题。但一些专家建议，多达四分之一的领导者难以成为一个像样的倾听者，你可能不需要专家来告诉你，就能发现在日常生活中，糟糕的倾听者是多么的普遍。谢天谢地，根据一位心理学家的说法，这种不被重视的技能很容易取得进步。
Just Breathe 深呼吸
Why do we struggle with listening if all we have to do is sit back and let our ears and brains do the work automatically? One answer is that many of us listen to respond rather than hear. When we're chatting with someone, we're constantly anticipating what we're going to say next rather than actually processing whatever the other party is saying.The millisecond they're done speaking we leap in with acomment or question.
如果我们所要做的就是坐下来让我们的耳朵和大脑自动完成工作，为什么我们还要努力听呢？一个答案是，我们中的许多人专注于回应，而不是倾听。当我们和某人聊天时，我们总是在预测下一步要说什么，而不是切实理解对方说什么。他们一说完，我们就插嘴说一句话或提出一个问题。
We do it because we want to be good conversationalists and avoid uncomfortable lulls in the discussion, but often the result is the other person feels rushed,talked over, or generally unheard.The solution, according tops ychologist Kenneth E. Miller, is incredibly simple.
我们这样做是因为我们想成为一个善于交谈的人，避免在讨论中出现令人不安的停顿，但结果往往是令对方感到匆忙、重复讨论，或者未听到。心理学家肯尼思E米勒称其解决方法极其简单。
On Psychology Today he passes along a technique for improving your listening skills he discovered in the book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff ... and It's All Small Stuff" by fellow psychologist RichardCarlson. Here's how Miller sums up Carlson's advice:
在今天的心理学课上，他传授了一种提高听力技巧的技巧，他在心理学家理查德·卡尔森的《不一书中发现了这个技巧。米勒这样总结卡尔森的建议：
Before you respond in a conversation, take a breath. Not anenormous, loud, obvious breath that screams out 'I am trying a new technique for better listening!' No, just a normal, simple, ordinary breath. That's it. The whole technique, right there."
在你回答谈话之前，先深呼吸。不是一个深长的，响亮的，明显的呼吸，大喊着“我正在尝试一种新的技术，以便更好地倾听！”不，只是一个普通的，简单的，普通的呼吸。就这样。整个技术，就在那里。
Calm the Convo 平静下来
Could something so small make adifference? Yes, insists Miller, who reports that when he uses this technique in his therapy practice,the majority of patients actually use this moment of pause to dig deeper into their thoughts and then continue talking. He's noticed positive effects in everyday conversations as well. "I find interrupt people a lot less often," her eports. "In response, people seem more relaxed when we are talking."
这个小方法能带来改变吗？是的，米勒坚持说，他在报告称当他在他的治疗实践中使用这一技术时，大多数患者实际上是利用这一停顿时间来深入挖掘他们的思想，然后继续交谈。他也注意到了其对日常对话的积极影响。“我发现更少的去打扰别人，”他在报告中还提到，当我们谈话时，人们似乎更放松了。”
He's not the only one to spot a difference. On New York Magazine's The Cut blog, Katie Heany relates a sort of natural experiment that reveals the power of simply taking a breath before you respond. "A friend of a friend who currentlyl ives in France often pauses a lot before she replies, mainly be causeher French is only moderately proficient. As a result, all her French friends tell her she's an amazing listener, which is not something she hears much in English," she writes.
他不是唯一一个发现不同的人。在纽约杂志的The Cut博客上，凯蒂·希尼讲述了一种自然实验，它揭示了在你做出反应之前，简单地呼吸一下的力量。”一位目前居住在法国的朋友的朋友在回答问题之前经常会停顿很多时间，主要是因为她的法语只是中等水平。因此，她所有的法国朋友都告诉她，她是一个了不起的倾听者，这在英语中不是她经常听到的，”她写道。
You don't have to be barely fluent in a language to achieve great listener status. All you need is this simple technique and to have enough for titude to manage the small anxiety a quiet second or two in the middle of a conversation can cause one or both parties. Go ahead: Give it a try and see how it works out for you.
你不需要流利地说一门语言，也能成为一个好的倾听者。你所需要的只是这个简单的技巧，在谈话过程中安静的一两秒钟，足以处理这些会引起一方或双方的小小焦虑。行动吧少年，试试看你的效果如何。
英文原文来自扇贝
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