有些人會永遠改變你的生活
《卡羅爾》電影海報
《卡羅爾》電影相信很多人都已經看過不下30遍了，說大魔王和小白兔演活了卡羅爾和特芮絲應該沒人敢反對。對比電影中兩位撩到炸裂的表現力，原著的文字同樣美到讓人窒息，兩者劇情上更是存在不少細節上的區別。
今天，希望你能徜徉在原著優美的文字海洋裡，感受電影之外兩人的緣起與纏綿。
只因在人群中多看了你一眼
她們的眼睛同時交會，特芮絲從她正在打開的盒子抬頭往上看，那個女人正好轉過頭來，直接看著特芮絲。她高挑美麗，修長的身子優雅地穿著一件開襟毛外套，一隻手插在腰上。她的眼睛是灰色的，雖沒有散發出光澤，卻睥睨一切，彷彿打了光或著了火一樣，令特芮絲目不轉睛。她聽到前面的客人正重複問著一個問題，但特芮絲就站在那裡，一言不發。那女人也用一種著了迷的表情看著特芮絲，彷彿只有一半的思緒是放在她想買的東西上。雖然兩人間還有好幾個售貨小姐，特芮絲還是很肯定她會走向自己。然後特芮絲看見她緩緩走向櫃檯，那女人越來越近，特芮絲聽到自己的心跌跌撞撞地想追上流逝的每一分鐘，臉也發燙了起來。
Their eyes met at the same instant，Therese glancing up from a box she was opening，and the woman just turning her head so she looked directly at Therese. She was tall and fair， her long figure graceful in the loose fur coat that she held open with a hand on her waist. Her eyes were gray，colorless，yet dominant as light or fire，and，caught by them，Therese could not look away.She heard the customer in front of her repeat a question，and Therese stood there，mute.The woman was looking at Therese，too，with a preoccupied expression， as if half her mind were on whatever it was she meant to buy here，and though there were a number of sales girls between them.Therese felt sure the woman would come to her. Then Therese saw her walk slowly toward the counter，heard her heart stumble to catch up with the moment it had let pass，and felt her face grow hot as the woman came nearer and nearer.
你念我名字的聲音很好聽
特芮絲覺得她很美，覺得她的臉變得模糊起來，因為她現在無法直視她。那女人從包裡拿出口紅和粉盒，特芮絲看著她的口紅盒，金色如珠寶，形狀像水手的儲物箱。特芮絲還想看看那女人的嘴，但那雙灰色的眼睛就在特芮絲眼前，讓她無法直視她的嘴，目光像火苗一樣在她身上跳躍閃爍。
Therese thought her beautiful， though her face was a blur now because she could not bear to look at it directly.She got something out of her handbag，a lipstick and compact，and Therese looked at her lipstick case — golden like a jewel，and shaped like a sea chest. She wanted to look at the woman's mouth，but the gray eyes so close drove her away，flickering over her like fire.
特芮絲又聞到她淡雅的香水味，有墨綠色絲綢的感覺，只屬於她，就像某種奇花異卉的香味一般。特芮絲傾身靠香味更近一點，往下看著她的杯子。她想要把桌子用力推開，投人她的懷中，把鼻子緊緊埋人她頸上那條金綠色相間的圍巾。她們的手背偶爾在桌上輕觸，特芮絲的肌膚就馬上變成獨立的個體，有了自己的生命，而且一直髮熱。特芮絲不明白自己為什麼會這樣，但事情就是這樣。特芮絲瞥見她稍稍轉向一旁的臉孔，剎那間再度明白了似曾相識的感覺是什麼。她也知道這簡直難以置信，因為自己從沒見過這個女人。如果見過的話，又怎麼可能會忘記呢?在沉默中，特芮絲覺得彼此都在等待對方開口，但這種沉默也不會讓人感覺不自在。
The dusky and faintly sweet smell of her perfume came to Therese again， a smell suggestive of dark green silk，that was hers alone，like the smell of a special flower. Therese leaned closer toward it，looking down at her glass. She wanted to thrust the table aside and spring into her arms，to bury her nose in the green and gold scarf that was tied close about her neck. Once the backs of their hands brushed on the table，and Therese’s skin there felt separately alive now，and rather burning.Therese could not understand it，but it was so.Therese glanced at her face that was somewhat turned away，and again she knew that instant of half-recognition. And knew，too，that it was not to be believed. She had never seen the woman before.If she had，could she have forgotten? In the silence，Therese felt they both waited for the other to speak，yet the silence was not an awkward one.
卡羅爾用法文的讀音念出特芮絲的名字。特芮絲已經習慣自己的名字有好幾種不同的念法，有時候她也會用不同的方式念她的名字。她很喜歡卡羅爾念她名字的方式，她也喜歡她的雙唇吐出她的名字。那是一種無止境的渴望，她以前只是偶爾、隱約意識到這種渴望，現在這種渴望成了真實的願望。這慾望實在太過奇怪、太令人困窘，特芮絲把這種慾望從腦海中甩開。
Carol pronounced her name the French way，Terez. She was used to a dozen variations, and sometimes she herself pronounced it differently. She like the way Carol pronounced it，and she liked her lips saying it. An indefinite longing，that she had been only vaguely conscious of at times before, became now a recognizable wish. It was so absurd，so embarrassing a desire，that Therese thrust it from her mind.
我的肩膀藏著你的髮香
卡羅爾走到她後面，把手放在她的肩上。特芮絲可以在記憶中看見她的手，靈活而強壯。卡羅爾按著她的肩膀時，手上出現了細長的肌腱。卡羅爾的雙手移向她的頸項和下巴，時間似乎過了很久。卡羅爾把她的頭稍微傾斜一點，在髮絲邊緣輕輕吻了一下。那段時間心如潮湧，感覺太過強烈，甚至衝散了卡羅爾動作帶來的愉悅。特芮絲一點也沒有感覺到卡羅爾的吻。
Carol came up behind her and set her hands on Therese’s shoulders. Therese could see her hands in her memory—flexible and strong， the delicate tendons showing as they pressed her shoulders.It seemed an age as her hands moved toward her neck and under her chin，an age of tumult so intense it blotted out the pleasure of Carols tipping her head back and kissing her lightly at the edge of her hair.Therese did not feel the kiss at all.
卡羅爾的雙手滑到特芮絲的肩膀下，把頭低下來埋進特芮絲的頸部。特芮絲感覺到卡羅爾的身體繃緊了，嘆了一口氣，她的脖子溫熱了起來。這口氣帶著卡羅爾的髮香。
Then Carol slipped her hands under her shoulders，and bent her head down to Therese's throat，and Therese felt the tension go out of Carols body with the sigh that made her neck warm， that carried the perfume that was in Carols hair.
已感受不到除你以外的事物
“你站在那裡做什麼?”卡羅爾問，“貪睡蟲，快上床。”
“What’re you standing there for?”Carol asked.‘Get to bed，sleepyhead.”
“卡羅爾，我愛你。”
“Carol， I love you.”
卡羅爾挺直了身子。特芮絲用熱切的、帶著睡意的雙眼盯著她看。然後卡羅爾把睡衣從行李箱裡拿出來，再把行李箱合上。她走向特芮絲，把手放在她的肩上。她繃緊肩膀，彷彿要向特芮絲要求一個承諾，也像在探詢著她，看看她說的話是否屬實。然後她親吻了特芮絲的雙唇，彷彿兩人之前已經吻過好幾千次。
Carol straightened up.Therese stared at her with intense，sleepy eyes.Then Carol finished taking her pajamas from the suitcase and pulled the lid down.She came to Therese and put her hands on her shoulders.She squeezed her shoulders hard， as if she were exacting a promise from her， or perhaps searching her to see if what she had said were real.Then she kissed Therese on the lips，as if they had kissed a thousand times before.
“你不知道我愛你嗎?”卡羅爾說。
“Don’t you know I love you?”Carol said.
特芮絲熄了燈，接著卡羅爾的手臂滑到她的脖子下面，她們的身體緊密地貼著彼此，彷彿預先安排好的一樣契合。幸福就像是綠色的藤蔓爬滿她的全身，伸展纖細的卷鬚，從她的血肉中生出花朵。她看到一株灰白色的花朵在閃爍，好像是從黑暗中或透過水麵看到的一樣。她想起人們談論天堂的原因。
Therese pulled out the light.Then Carol slipped her arm under her neck， and all the length of their bodies touched， fitting as if something had prearranged it. Happiness was like a green vine spreading through her，stretching fine tendrils， bearing flowers through her flesh. She had a vision of a pale white flower，shimerin g as if seen in darkness， or through water. Why did people talk of heaven，she wondered.
卡羅爾的手在她的頭髮裡握緊，卡羅爾吻了她的唇，愉悅之情再度躍上特芮絲心頭，彷彿此刻延續了昨天晚上卡羅爾的手滑到她脖子下方的那種感覺。特芮絲想再說一次我愛你，卡羅爾的唇落在她的頸項、肩上，令人顫慄又害怕的愉悅消除了語言，急速貫穿了全身。她的雙臂緊緊環繞著卡羅爾，她只感覺到卡羅爾，再也感覺不到其他事物了。
Carol’s fingers tightened in her hair， Carol kissed her on the lips，and pleasure leaped in Therese again as if it were only a continuation of the moment when Carol had sipped her arm under her neck last night. I love you， Therese wanted to say again， and then the words were erased by the tingling and terrifying pleasure that spread in waves from Carol’s lips over her neck， her shoulder，that rushed suddenly the length of her body.Her arms were tight around Carol， and she was conscious of Carol and nothing else， of Carol’s hand that slid along her ribs.
她感覺到卡羅爾的手沿著她的肋骨滑動，卡羅爾的秀髮拂過她赤裸的胸部，然後她的身體似乎也消失在越來越大的圓圈中。這些圓圈跳得越來越遠，超出思緒可以跟隨的範圍。上千個回憶、時刻、字眼，第一個心愛的人，卡羅爾第二次在店裡和她碰面，上千個關於卡羅爾臉孔、聲音的回憶，憤怒和充滿笑聲的時刻在她腦中，就像彗星的尾巴一樣一閃而過。而現在那是一段灰藍色的距離和空間，一個逐漸擴展的空間。在這個空間中，她可以突然像一支長箭般往前奔去。那支箭輕而易舉地橫跨了寬廣的、不可思議的深淵，在空間中不斷拉出弧形，而且沒有停止的跡象。接著她意識到自己仍然緊緊貼著卡羅爾，身體顫抖得很厲害，而那支箭就是她自己。她看到卡羅爾淡色的頭髮遮蓋住眼睛，現在卡羅爾的頭髮貼著她的頭。她不必去問這是對是錯，也沒有人可以告訴她，因為這樣子再正確、再完美不過了。她把卡羅爾抱得更緊，感覺到卡羅爾的嘴貼在她自己微笑的雙唇上。特芮絲一動也不動地躺著，看著她，看著只離她幾釐米遠的卡羅爾的臉，她從沒見過她的眼睛那麼平靜，彷彿它們留在了她剛從中漂走的某個空間裡。
Carol's hair that brushed her bare breasts，and then her body too seemed to vanish in widening circles that leaped further and further， beyond where thought could follow.While a thousand memories and moments，words，the first darling， the second time Carol had met her at the store， a thousand memories of Carols face， her voice， moments of anger and laughter flashed like the tail of a comet across her brain. And now it was pale blue distance and space， an expanding space in which she took fight suddenly like along arrow.The arrow seemed to cross an impossibly wide abyss with ease， seemed to arc on and on in space， and not quite to stop.Then she realized that she still clung to Carol， that she trembled violently， and the arrow was herself. She saw Carol's pale hair across her eyes， and now Carol’s head was close against hers.And she did not have to ask if this was right， no one had to tell her， because this could not have been more right or perfect.She held Carol tighter against her， and felt Carol’s mouth on her owns smiling mouth.Therese lay still，looking at her， at Carol’s face only inches away from her， the gray eyes clam as she had never seen them， as if they retained some of the space she had just emerged from. And it seemed strange that it was still Carol’s face， with the freckles， the bending blonde eyebrow that she knew， the mouth now as calm as her eyes， as Therese had seen it many times before.
你的愛給了我力量
那天深夜，她寫了封信給卡羅爾：
你的消息太棒了，我在戰士飯店獨飲了一杯雞尾酒慶祝。不是我作風保守，但你知道孤獨一人時，一杯酒有三杯的效果嗎?......我愛這個小城，因為這裡讓我想到你。我也知道你對這個小城沒有特別的感覺，但這不是重點。我的意思是，我好希望你在這裡，但你又不在這裡…
She wrote to Carol late that night.
The news is wonderful.I celebrated with a single daiquiri at the Warrior.Not that I am conservative， but did you know that one drink has the kick of three when you are alone?...I love this town because ital reminds me of you.I know you don't like it anymore than any other town，but that isn't the point.I mean you are here as much as I can bear you to be， not being here..
卡羅爾的回信裡面說：
你問我想不想念你，我想起你的聲音、你的雙手，還有你注視著我時的眼睛。我從來沒有懷疑過你的勇氣，你的勇氣也為我帶來了力量。親愛的，打電話給我好嗎?
Carol wrote：
You ask if I miss you. I think of your voice， your hands， and your eyes when you look straight into mine.I remember your courage that I hadn't suspected， and it giv es me courage. Will you call me， darling?
我知道你終將向我走來
她站在門口，裡面有鋼琴在彈奏著，她細看坐在桌邊的每個人。燈光不太亮，她一開始也沒有看到她，她被比較遠的那道牆的陰影遮住了，正面對著特芮絲。卡羅爾也沒有看到她，因為有個男人坐在她對面，特芮絲也不知道那是誰。
She stood in the doorway， looking over the people at the tables in the room where a piano played.The lights were not bright， and she did not see her at first， half hidden in the shadow against the far wall， facing her.Nor did Carol see her.A man sat opposite her， Therese did not know who.
卡羅爾慢慢舉起手，把頭髮往後攏，還有一次是往兩邊梳攏。特芮絲笑了，這就是卡羅爾會有的動作，就是她以前所深愛，以後也會一直深愛下去的卡羅爾。哦，現在愛她的方式不一樣了，因為她已經是個新的人了，就像從頭來過，重新再度首遇卡羅爾，但遇到的還是卡羅爾，不是別人。
Carol raised her hands lowly and brushed her hair back，once on either side，and Therese smiled because the gesture was Carol，and it was Carol she loved and would always love.Oh，in a different way now，because she was a different person，and it was like meeting Carol all over again，but it was still Carol and no one else.
無論在千百個不同的城市中，在千百個不同的房子裡，還是在遙遠的異邦，她們都會攜手在一起。在天堂，在地獄，都是一樣。特芮絲等待著。就在她準備走向卡羅爾之際，卡羅爾也看到她了。特芮絲看著她的笑容逐漸浮現，卡羅爾似乎難以置信地看了她一會兒，然後卡羅爾才舉起手臂快速揮動，急切地向她打招呼。特芮絲從來沒見過卡羅爾用這種方式打招呼。特芮絲走向她。
It would be Carol，in a thousand cities，a thousand houses，in foreign lands where they would go together， in heaven and in hell.Therese waited.Then as she was about to go to her，Carol saw her，seemed to stare at her incredulously a moment while Therese watched the slows me growing，before her arm lifted suddenly，her hand waved a quick，eager greeting that Therese had never seen before. Therese walked toward her.
End...
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以上段落均節選自《卡羅爾》中英文原著，
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