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原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.ltaaa.com 翻譯：squart 轉載請註明出處
Christy Vickers, Lived in Suzhou for two years
在蘇州住兩年了
1:
Colleague: you are getting a little fat.
Me:...
同事：你有點胖了。
我：....
2:
Lady I met on a train: Hello
Me: Hello
Lady: what are you doing here?
Me: working here
Lady: how much do you make a month?
Me: X amount
Lady: Oh that is not enough
(this was actually a hilarious conversation on a K train in broken Chinese when I first arrived)
我在火車上遇到的女士：你好！
我：你好！
女士：你在這裡做什麼？
我：在這裡工作。
女士：你一個月掙多少錢？
我:X金額
女士：哦，這不多啊..
（這其實是我剛到中國在一列快車上用我蹩腳的中文進行的一次搞笑對話）
3.
Colleague: you''re getting a little beer belly
Me: ...
同事：你有點啤酒肚
我：...
4.
Me: what is your fiancée like?
Colleague: Fat and not so handsome.
我：你的未婚妻長什麼樣？
同事：又胖又不帥。
5.
My friend: My girlfriend and I broke up.
Me: Oh no, how come?
Friend: I went to her home town for spring festival and her parents told her I didn''t have good enough prospects.
我的朋友：我和我女朋友分手了。
我：啊，怎麼了？
朋友：我去她老家過春節，她父母告訴她，說我沒前途。
6.
Colleague: I like your sweater
Me: Thank you.
Colleague: Why are you saying thank you?
同事：我喜歡你的毛衣。
我：謝謝。
同事：你為什麼說謝謝？
7. (I''m sure everyone has this one)
Me: ni hao
any Chinese person I ever said this to: your Chinese is so good!
（我相信每個外國人都遇到過這個）
我：你好
每一箇中國人都會說：你的中文真好！
8. ( as I''m in the process of buying two carrots)
Colleagues: Oh my god you''re buying carrots
Me: Yes I''m making dinner later
Colleagues: For (name of my girlfriend)?
Me: Well yeah she will also be eating.
Colleagues: such a great boyfriend.
Me: ???
（我在買胡蘿蔔的時候）
同事：哦，我的天，你在買胡蘿蔔。
我：是的，我等會做晚飯。
同事：是為了（我女朋友的名字）？
我：嗯，她也會吃的。
同事們：你真是個不錯的男朋友！
我：？？？
9.
older colleague: This girl from X region has applied for a job can you help me reply to the email
me: Sure
Colleague (as we are working ): How dark do you think she''ll be?
Me: :o ...
老同事：這個來自X地區的女孩申請了一份工作，你能幫我回復下郵件嗎？
我：可以啊。
同事（我們正在工作）：你覺得她會有多黑？
我：.....
10.
Chinese teacher: How much do you pay for this apartment?
Me: x
Teacher: *shakes head* that is too much.
中國老師：這間公寓多少錢房租？
我：xxx
老師搖著頭：那太貴了。
11.
taxi driver: I don''t like Obama and I don''t like Americans.
me *laughing*: My girlfriend (who is sat in the back) is American
Driver (to her):Ah but where are your ancestors from?
Her: Cuba, kind of.
Driver: Ah that''s why you''re OK.
出租車司機：我不喜歡奧巴馬，也不喜歡美國人。
我笑：我女朋友（就坐在後面）是美國人。
司機（對她）：啊，但你的祖先是哪裡的？
她：古巴。
司機：哦，那你還好。
12. (in the sweltering heat of Summer)
Chinese grandma: can you please turn the air con to less cold, it will make my child sick
Me (not going to argue with a grandma: Ok.
（炎熱的夏天）
中國奶奶：你能不要把空調調這麼低嗎？它會讓我的孩子生病的。
我（不想和奶奶吵架）：好吧。
13.
Every Chinese person: Drinking cold water is bad for your stomach.
所有的中國人：喝冷水對胃不好。
15: colleague: I''m so jealous of how white you are.
同事：我真羨慕你這麼白。
16:
Lady: Suzhou has lots of good places to buy pearls. You''re English, all English people love pearls.
Me: They do?
Lady: Of course just look at the queen.
女士：蘇州有很多買珍珠的好地方。你是英國人，所有的英國人都喜歡珍珠。
我：是嗎？
女士：當然，看看你們的女王。
17:
Lady: I suppose people are a bit like rice.
Me: In what way?
Lady: Well European people are under-cooked, African people are overcooked and Chinese people are just right.
Me: .?!.?! I see.
女士：我想人就和米飯一樣。
我：什麼意思？
女士：嗯，歐洲人就是煮得太少的米飯（白），非洲的人煮過了（黑），而中國人剛剛好。
我：........我懂了。
18:
Lady: Europeans are much better looking than Americans.
Me: I see.
女士：歐洲人比美國人好看得多。
我：我知道了。
Robyn J Silverthorn, Another English Teacher in China (2011-present)
另一個在中國的英語老師
Taxi driver: are you married?
Me: No, I don''t want to
Taxi driver: (hearty laugh) Not possible!
出租車司機：你結婚了嗎？
我：不，我不想結婚。
出租車司機（爽朗地笑著）：那不可能的！
An American friend told me this exchange he had:
Taxi driver: Do Brits speak American?
一位美國朋友告訴我他有這樣的經驗：
出租車司機：英國人會說美國話嗎？
More, off the top of my head:
Student/ shopkeeper/ whoever: Why is your skin so white?
Me: Umm... my parents?
更多發生在我身上的場景：
學生店主還有不知道是誰：為什麼你的皮膚這麼白？
我：嗯....可能是因為我父母白？
Me: I don''t eat meat
Chinese person: :O you just eat vegetables?
Me: well, there''s more to food than meat and veg...
Chinese person: oh, rice?
Me: um, yea...
我：我不吃肉。
中國人：你只吃蔬菜嗎？
我：額，除了肉和蔬菜，還有更多的食物....
中國人：哦，米飯？
我：額....
Me: I don''t eat meat
Chinese person: oh, you can take the meat out of your food and put it in this bowl
我：我不吃肉
中國人：哦，你可以把肉從食物裡挑出來，放在這個碗裡。
Student: I like swimming (presumably outside)/ running/ etc, but it makes my skin black :(
Me: ...
學生：我喜歡游泳（大概是在室外游泳）或者跑步等，但這會使我的皮膚變黑。
我：.....
Me: what are your hobbies?
Student: eating and sleeping
Me:...
我：你的愛好是什麼？
學生：吃飯睡覺
我：...
Student (at about 11:30): and now you go for lunch?
Me: i''ll exercise first
Student: :O Now? But it''s lunch time!
Me:...
學生（大約11:30）：現在你去吃午飯嗎？
我：我先去鍛鍊
學生：現在？但現在是午飯時間！
我：....
Student 1 to Student 2: You are a pig!
Me: :O
Student 2 to Student 1: No, you are a pig!
Me: :O
Students 1 and 2 laugh and hug and skip off into the sunset together
學生1對著學生2說：你是頭豬！
我：喔！
學生2對著學生1說：不，你才是頭豬！
我：喔！
然後學生1和2一起歡笑著走進了夕陽中...
Me: it''s so hot/ cold today/ i have a cold/ the world is ending
Caring Chinese friend: drink more water
我：今天太熱了/太冷了/我感冒了/世界末日到了。
關心我 的中國朋友：多喝點水。
Stranger: hello
Me: hello
Stranger: Where are you from?
Me: England
Stranger: Do you have WeChat?
Me: no, sorry
Stranger: can you give me your phone number？
Me: I guess. ###
Stranger: we can be friends?
Me: Um... sure...
Stranger: let''s go to drink tea and eat local food
Me: i''m busy, sorry
Is that mean? I don''t even know the person...
陌生人：你好。
我：你好。
陌生人：你是哪裡人？
我：英國人。
陌生人：你有微信嗎？
我：對不起，我沒有。
陌生人：你能告訴我你的電話號碼嗎？
我：我想是XXXXXXX。
陌生人：我們可以成為朋友嗎？
我：嗯，當然....
陌生人：我們去喝茶吃本地菜吧。
我：對不起我很忙。
這啥意思？我甚至都不認識那個人.....
Julie Huang, Creator
Something that I often get from distant relatives in China.
"What did you study?"
Me: politics.
"You studied politics? So Are you going to side with the Americans if war breaks out?"
Me: .........
我經常從我的中國遠親那裡得到這樣的對話：
“你學的是什麼？”
我：政治。
“你學的是政治？如果戰爭爆發，你會站在美國人一邊嗎？”
我：.....
"Oh you''re from America! Say something in English"
Me: hi?
"Teach me English"
Me: um.. I''m not a very good teacher.
"Why don''t you want to help me?"
“哦，你來自美國！用英語說幾句話聽聽。”
我：嗨？
“教我說英語。”
我：額，我不是一個很好的老師。
“你為什麼不幫我？”
"Why didn''t you come back to China to get married? Do you only like white people?"
Me: my husband is Chinese....
"Did he marry you for the green card?"
Me:.........
“你為什麼不回中國結婚呢？你只喜歡白人嗎？”
我：我丈夫是中國人....
“他和你結婚是為了綠卡嗎？”
我：...
Or before I got married, the question was more
"When are you guys getting married?"
Me: uh.. haven''t considered that yet?
"Why don''t you want to marry him? Is his family bad?"
Me: ........
或者在我結婚之前，這種問題更多：
“你們什麼時候結婚？”
我：額.....還沒有考慮這個？
“你為什麼不嫁給他？他的家庭不好嗎？”
我：.....
Grace Fang
In China:
Man: Do you want to be my girlfriend?
Woman: Do you have a house?
Man: No
Woman: Don you have a car?
Man: No
Woman: I don''t care about these stuffs, I care about whether we have something in common.
Man: ( well, what a good girl.)
Woman: Do you like tomatoes?
Man: No.
Woman: That''s too bad, I can''t be the girl friend of someone who don''t like tomatoes.
Man: …
Do you know why girls ask for houses and cars? Simple, in China, most parents will give their money and houses to their sons. Daughters usually get nothing ( except that if you are the only child).
Some parents even ask daughters to pay for their brothers'' houses. Their reasons are ridiculous: girls don''t need a house because they will get one from their husband when they are married. If a boy doesn''t have a house they won''t find a wife.
So boys, don''t complain about girls'' requirements, cause they have been taken all the things by their brothers.
( My grammar sucks, feel free to correct the grammatical problems. Thanks for that.)
在中國：
男：你可以做我女朋友嗎？
女人：你有房子嗎？
男：沒有。
女人：你有車嗎？
男：沒有
女人：我其實不在乎這些房啊車啊的，我只在乎我們有沒有共同的愛好。
男：（多好的女孩啊！）
女人：你喜歡西紅柿嗎？
男：不喜歡。
女：那太糟糕了，我不能成為不喜歡西紅柿的人的女朋友。
男人：....
你知道為什麼女孩要房子和車子嗎？很簡單，在中國，大多數父母都會把錢和房子給兒子。女兒通常什麼也得不到（除非你是獨生子女）。
一些父母甚至要求女兒為他們兄弟的房子買單，她們的理由很荒謬：女孩不需要房子，因為她們結婚後會從丈夫那裡得到一套房子。如果一個男孩沒有房子，他們就找不到妻子。
所以男孩們，不要抱怨女孩的要求，因為她們所有的東西都被他們的兄弟拿走了。
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