Lebron James was so hated back in 2012 that even a captured Al-Qaeda member wrote letters expressing his disgust at his decision to go to Miami
詹姆斯在2012年前後受到的憎恨鋪天蓋地，甚至連一名被捕的基地組織成員都曾寫信表示自己對於詹姆斯去熱火的決定感到噁心。
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Muhammad Rahim who was Bin Laden translator and captured at Guantanamo said to his Akron-born lawyer that "LeBron James is a very bad man and should apologize to the city of Cleveland".
Muhammad Rahim曾是本-拉登的翻譯，後被關押在關塔那摩監獄。而他曾對自己出生在阿克倫的律師說：“詹姆斯這人太壞了，他該向克利夫蘭這座城市道歉。”
文章鏈接: https://www.cbssports.com/nba/news/osama-bin-ladens-translator-wanted-lebron-james-to-apologize-to-cleveland/
[–]WizardsJesusWasABoneThug 1534 指標 14小時前
This is honestly a 10/10 post
不吹不黑，這是個10-10的滿分帖。
[–]Sunsximca 1500 指標 13小時前
Nah it's a 9/11 post
不不，是滿分11分得9分的9-11帖。
[–]WizardsJesusWasABoneThug 643 指標 12小時前
The lob
THE JAM
層主拋出空接，樓上完成暴扣！
[–]KingsYSLug 1389 指標 15小時前
am I on The Onion??
我這是在看洋蔥新聞嗎？？
[–]Celticsjaeraket 325 指標 13小時前
r/nottheonion
#這還真不是洋蔥新聞。
[–]Agent641 114 指標 9小時前
One day The Onion is going to stop writing satire and instead write real news and nobodys going to notice the difference.
如果有一天洋蔥新聞不寫反諷的新聞轉而寫真實的報道，估計也沒有人會注意到有什麼不同。
[–][TOR] Jonas ValanciunasDragonsandman 80 指標 9小時前
I thought we reached that point about two years ago.
不是兩年前就已經達到這個階段了嗎？
[–]Calvin--Hobbes 99 指標 8小時前
"President Donald Trump defends Supreme Court nominee against multiple sexual assault allegations; while Bill Cosby gets hot dog bun thrown at him in prison"
“唐納德-特朗普總統為最高法院提名進行辯護，反對針對該提名法官的多項性侵犯指控；同時，比爾-克斯比（因性侵犯）進了監獄，被人扔熱狗。”
誰能想到這都是真事兒？
[–]Hornetsmajavic 3384 指標 13小時前
Rahim was quoted as saying, "Sure we flew some planes into buildings, but what LeBron did was unforgivable. Even Bin Laden wouldn't have done that to the city of Cleveland."
該基地組織成員表示：“沒錯，我們的確開飛機撞了大樓，但詹姆斯做的事是不可饒恕的！即使是本-拉登都不忍心對克利夫蘭做出這樣的事！”手動滑稽。
[–]radioraheem8 1081 指標 12小時前
Bin Laden would have chosen to live out the remainder of his life in a cave rather than spend a day in the city of Cleveland.
本-拉登寧願餘生都住在山洞裡也不想在克利夫蘭待哪怕一天。
[–]Cavaliersim_spezcial 360 指標 12小時前
He was just jealous of our fire river
騎士球迷：本-拉登只是嫉妒我克村的火河而已！[譯註1]
[譯註1]：指克利夫蘭的凱霍加河，曾因工業汙染過於嚴重而燃起了熊熊大火。
[–]Pacersnormcore_ 216 指標 12小時前
If they’d crashed two jets into Cleveland it would have taken the government weeks to even find the wreckage.
“We’ve got it narrowed down to a 4 block radius”
如果這兩架飛機撞的是克里夫蘭，估計政府得找到飛機殘骸都得花好幾周時間。
“我們已經將範圍縮小到4個街區的半徑了。”
[–]-Valar-Morghulis- 171 指標 11小時前*
Overheard in Iraq after 9/11: “He got me,” Hussein said of Osama's terrorist act. "That f***ing bin Laden boomed America." Saddam added, “He’s so bad,” repeating it four times. Saddam then said he wanted to add bin laden to the list of terrorists he has sex
9-11之後，薩達姆在伊拉克大喊“他逮住我了”，指本-拉登的恐怖襲擊。“MLGB本-拉登咣嘰給美國炸了一下。”薩達姆補充道，“他太壞了，”薩達姆重複說了四遍。後來，薩達姆表示，他想把本-拉登加到他想日的恐怖分子名單中。
[–]DonsAVeryBrightMan 562 指標 16小時前
Boomed his ass
咣嘰就給他炸了一下！
[–]klawhileonard 288 指標 15小時前
He’s so terrorizing
他太恐怖了！
[–]Spurscamfa 142 指標 15小時前
X4
重複四遍。
[–]BullsTundraaa 163 指標 13小時前
C4
炸了四遍。
[–]jaredpls 93 指標 14小時前
He then said he wanted to add Rahim to the list of terrorists he blocks from flying this summer.
後來，薩達姆表示，他想把Rahim（該基地組織成員）加到這個夏天禁飛的名單中。
[–]PelicansChrisTheMiss 985 指標 15小時前
this is the funniest fucking thing i’ve read all month. wonder if ISIS ever sent KD letters
這是我本月看到最特麼逗的東西。我很好奇ISIS有沒有給杜蘭特寫過信。
[–]CelticsMaxidaz 419 指標 14小時前
“We will behead a Canadian Journalist if you resign with the Warriors this offseason”
“如果你與勇士續約，我們就砍掉一個加拿大記者的頭。”
[–]PelicansGot_Twist 44 指標 13小時前
you know. what would happen if that actually became a real life scenario?
如果這個劇本在現實生活中真的發生了會怎樣啊。
[–][LAC] Austin Riversazharsafa123 1944 指標 16小時前
wow... TIL
湖人球迷：哇哦……我今天才知道有這事兒。
[–]CelticsBrassTaxWax 1529 指標 13小時前
Now I’m imagining Al-Qaeda having in-depth basketball discussions with advanced stats and game tape.
凱爾特人球迷：現在，我正在腦補基地組織各成員們拿著高階數據和比賽錄像深度探討籃球的畫面。
[–]SpursSmokeyBare 433 指標 13小時前
With the Globetrotters theme song playing in the background
背景音樂放著哈林籃球隊的主題曲。
[–]PistonsSheedWallace 250 指標 11小時前
Haha people think these dudes just sat in caves and beat off to murder porn, but there are some books that go into depth about what they were up to day to day and they were a bunch of nerds basically. Al Qaeda had assigned volleyball teams because Usama and one of his deputies were both so tall the other dudes thought it was unfair so they could never play on the same side. And they played playstation and watched Friends and shit haha.
哈哈哈，人們總是覺得基地組織成員就是成天坐在山洞裡對著殺人的暴力電影擼管，但是，實際上，有許多書都深入介紹了他們每天都幹啥，而他們真的是一群呆子。基地組織內部甚至還會組建排球隊，但拉登和他的一個副手都太高了，其他人都覺得他倆在一隊太欺負人，所以一直都不准他倆在一隊。他們還玩索尼的PS遊戲機，看《老友記》什麼的哈哈哈。
Basically I could totally see a couple of them getting into heated talks about whether or not Carmelo is overrated and if KD is a traitor for dippin' on OKC for the Warriors.
我真的能腦補出他們激烈討論甜瓜是否被高估、離開雷霆加入勇士的杜蘭特到底是不是叛徒的畫面。
[–]l33tb3rt 151 指標 11小時前
Oh totally. We tell these stories because we don't want to humanize them, and we also want to pretend like planning a terrorist attack takes a long time. They are people too, who also have 24 hours in a day to fill, and planning a terrorist attack doesn't consume all that much time. But they are people too. I mean, heck, in WWI both sides stopped mustard gassing themselves long enough to play soccer on xmas.
絕對的。我們都願意把恐怖分子們描述成住在山洞的野人是因為我們不想看到他們人性的一面，而且我們還裝得好像謀劃一次恐怖襲擊需要很長的時間。他們也是人，他們也得打發每天24小時的時間，而且策劃恐怖襲擊不太需要那麼多時間。但他們也是人。一戰的時候，作戰雙方甚至都會在一段時間內停止釋放毒氣，讓大家能在聖誕節時踢會兒足球。
But thinking about them watching Friends makes me chuckle. Now I wish UBL would have put out a video issuing a fatwah against Ross for his indecision, and ultimately manipulating, Rachel.
但想象他們看《老友記》的畫面真是讓我不由笑出了聲了。我多希望拉登還活著的時候能放出一段視頻，因Ross的優柔寡斷而對他做出裁決，然後再洗腦Rachel。
[–]Heatyurtyybomb 115 指標 11小時前
planning a terrorist attack doesn't consume all that much time
FBI, u seein this?
“策劃恐怖襲擊不太需要那麼多時間”
FBI看到了嗎？就是他！
[–][OKC] Steven AdamsFeskir 91 指標 12小時前
giving a whole new meaning to "Player X explodes for 26 points!!"
賜予“某球員【爆】砍得到26分”這一說法全新的含義。
[–]Spurs4675029 69 指標 11小時前
Osama would have been a beast on the bball court. Dude was like 6'6.
拉登在球場絕對是個怪物。他大概有1米98吧。
[–]Grizzliesthelasthendrix 231 指標 11小時前
Especially effective against the '86 Rockets and the '99 Spurs.
而且要是對上86的火箭和99年的馬刺，拉登絕對牛批。
[–][SAS] Tim Duncanyoure_being_creepy 39 指標 11小時前
I don't get it?
馬刺球迷：我沒懂？
[–]76ersNoellesGirl 166 指標 11小時前
Twin towers
86年的火箭和99年的馬刺都有雙塔啊。拉登還不得咣嘰給他們炸一下。
[–]Clippersduplicatesnowflake 180 指標 16小時前
Guy is plotting his way out as we speak to get at KD.
這哥們此時正在謀劃越獄，就是為了能再埋汰杜蘭特一下。
[–]Knickshwarang_ 80 指標 15小時前
كتابي القادم الفصل
[–]Rocketsaboooz 34 指標 10小時前
Lool I get what you are trying to say (I'm Arab). But it's a bit off. What you said is "my next book the chapter". The fully correct translation is فصلي القادم.
哈哈哈哈哈我知道你想說啥（我是阿拉伯人）。但有一點差錯。你說的是“我下一本書一章”（杜蘭特加盟勇士the next chapter的梗，樓上的網友應當是谷歌翻譯）。完全正確的翻譯版本應該是：فصلي القادم（我的下一章）.
[–]WarriorsTheDiddleMan 150 指標 14小時前
American news conditioned me to get scared everytime I see this written language.
勇士球迷：美國新聞媒體搞得我每次看到這種手寫語言（阿拉伯文）都會害怕。
[–]samuraipolice 198 指標 14小時前
I think of insta thots comments whenever I see it
我每次看到阿拉伯文時，都會想起ins網紅嫩模照片底下的評論（很多阿拉伯人）。
[–]RaptorsFudgicles1 116 指標 14小時前
A man of culture I see.
樓上的老哥很有品味嘛。
[–]Raptorspleasefeedthedino 545 指標 15小時前
Makes sense, terrorists are always thinking about goats
有道理啊，恐怖分子總是想著羊。[譯註2]
[譯註2]美國一直有笑話說中東人（尤其是阿拉伯地區）會幹羊（就是那個【幹】羊，沒錯），而同時，goat也是greatest of all time的縮寫，即歷史最佳。這裡的網友玩了雙關。
[–]klawhileonard 337 指標 15小時前
Lebron James is beside himself. Driving thru downtown Pakistan desert begging (thru invasions) Al Qaeda for address to translators apology
詹姆斯已經失了智，在巴基斯坦市中心的沙漠開車亂轉（通過侵略）向基地組織乞求該翻譯的地址，要求他道歉。[譯註3]
[譯註3]：改編自一則假新聞。小喬丹毀約重新簽約快船後，有報道稱“庫班失了心，在休斯敦市中心街頭開車亂轉，通過短信詢問小喬丹的住址。”
[–][BOS] Luigi Datometonyhawk8 223 指標 14小時前
LeBron to Al Qaeda would have been a riskier move
凱爾特人球迷：詹姆斯要是當年加盟了基地組織，那絕對是一步險棋啊。
[–][MIA] Goran DragicJimboJoJo 126 指標 13小時前
IDK I would bet with Al Qaeda's help he would become even more explosive.
熱火球迷：不好說啊，我敢打賭，在基地組織的幫助下，詹姆斯的表現肯定會更“爆炸”。
[–]LakersTuneHD 66 指標 12小時前
I mean if you really think about it, it makes sense. You have to have an insane amount of loyalty to be a terrorist usually, so it makes sense they'd view people who break that loyalty as awful.
湖人球迷：主樓這則新聞仔細想想還是挺有道理的。想成為一名恐怖分子，你必須有近乎瘋狂的忠誠感，所以他們的確會將違背忠誠的人視作垃圾。
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