计划变了，内心的情感始终如一。
这原本是为一个有关金敬迈先生的学术研讨会上准备的讲话，不过，就在同一系列的会议即将举行前几个小时，会议被临时取消了。
不过，我对这位堪称中国文学大家的老作家的尊敬与仰慕之情不会变。所以，我决定将这篇文章发出来，希望我们能够再一次地回忆起，我们能有今天的幸福生活是多么的不易，多少人经历了多少非人的痛苦，我们才走到了国泰民安的今天！列宁说过一句话：忘记过去就意味着背叛。所以，在佳节来临之前，谨以此文，介绍金敬迈的文学成就与其一生所追求、所坚守的品质，同时，也将此文献给见证了69岁的共和国一路成长的同胞们！
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金敬迈（通常认识他的人都尊称他为老迈）用他一生中最澎湃的激情，在非常困难的环境中、以对革命军队这个大熔炉最热烈的敬仰之心，短短一个月的时间内，就写出了《欧阳海之歌》这部激荡了整整一代人的爱国主义情怀的伟大作品。他的这一作品，以3000万册的发行量，比肩当时发行量最高的《毛泽东选集》，足以说明它的深入人心！更可贵的是，热销之后，还成为了那个时代的学生课本，为无数青少年树立了鲜活的、有血有肉的、真实可信的崇高、勇敢、正义的人生榜样。
（金敬迈）
更重要的是，在我眼里，也是至今很少有人提到的最重要的一点是，他在这部作品里对数以千万计的中国人民，进行了爱的启蒙教育。他通过生动地描述欧阳海这个穷苦家庭出身的、非常可爱的孩子，他在童年生活中所遭遇到的各种不幸，激发了那个刚从战争年代走向和平时期的人们的普遍的同情心，激发了我们因为战争而深藏心底的对幼小的、新的生命的那种强烈的关爱。用很多很多打动人心的细节向我们展示了人世间的各种爱：欧阳海从小对妈妈的爱，对小妹妹的爱；在部队的大熔炉里对人民群众的爱、对战友的爱，最后升华到对人民生命安全、对国家财产的爱！
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我认为，作为作者本人，老迈也在他自己的一生里，用他所有的言与行，表达出了对亲情的珍惜、对爱情的坚贞、对子女的关心，以及对我们这个军队、对我们这个国家的强烈的情感。真正实践了“世界以痛吻你，你却报之以歌”的非常崇高的人生理念！
在现在这个社会，妻子埋怨丈夫不能权高位重、不能日进斗金，不能给自己带来荣华富贵、丈夫埋怨妻子不够漂亮贤惠，不能包揽所有的家务，父母也会抱怨子女不认真读书不能考取名校，子女也会抱怨父母无能，不能为自己花钱进入好学校、找好工作、买各种名牌用品。包括前一段时间，有言论认为：民营企业已经完成了帮助国有企业发展的历史任务，所以可以退出历史舞台了。
这些现象光怪陆离，看似没有内在的联系，但是我认为，用老迈非常喜欢的句式就是：我顽固地认为：这一切的思想根源，都是基于利已主义的思想：别人的生存，或者说是别人存在的惟一目的，都应当是为我服务的。谁如果做不到这一点，谁就不好，谁就该批判。如果亲友当中有人愿意为别人的利益去抗争、为国家的利益去谏言，大家都会认为他是愚蠢，加以各种发自内心的劝阻。而如果一个人善于利用别人，利用完了别人，还可以干净利落地处理掉，不用支付太多的成本，会被社会上的大众认为是有本事，能干。
就与上述关于民营企业的论述一样，利用完别人，就可以让其退出历史舞台，就可以去死了。完全没有一丝一毫对他人的关爱，对他人权利与生命的尊重！可以毫不客气地说，越来越多的精致的利已主义者在这个社会大行其道！他们的本质就是只有自己才是世间大写的人字，其他人，不过是统计学意义上的数字而已！
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并非我危言耸说。不知道大家有没有听说过“老而不死谓之窃”这样的说法？前几年，这是一篇广为传播的文章。这种文章的思想，与极端社会中某些人的思想是一脉相承的。在这些极端的社会里，如果生活遇到困难，那些身强力强的男人们，首先考虑的就是杀害老年妇女，因为她们已经没有生育能力，也没有力气去打仗、去生产，她们已经没有被社会利用的价值，活着只是浪费粮食，所以她们当然要被杀掉。她们老了还不去死，就等于是偷窃他人的财产！
一个种族、一个社会，对同类、对有恩于自己的母亲，都可以如此残忍，更不要说对其他的民族、对天地间存在的动物与植物了。
而老迈呢？在单身牢房里足足关押了8年！没有任何人或是任何事物可以让他有任何言语或是行动上的爱。但是，在接受我采访的时候，他告诉我：“我那心爱的鸽子啊，你们还能在蓝天里自由地翱翔吗？我透过铁栅栏呆呆地望着32块小天，努力在方格似的空中寻觅，却始终不见翅膀掠过的踪影，那翱翔在蓝天的鸽子啊，你们还活着吗？……
在天空都可以给你划成32个方格的傲慢的权力的强制下，老迈竟然可以忘记自己悲哀的命运，关注、记挂那些毫不起眼的、惟一有可能进入他视野的小生命的安危。
很多时候，我们认为，爱就是付出，就是吃亏，对生活在底层的人付出爱，更是单向的慈善行业。但事实上，老迈的成功正源于他对底层人物的深深的厚爱与付出。
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大家知道，老迈因为爱妹妹，这个从小被妈妈无比宠爱的、自尊心极其强烈的孩子，居然愿意弯腰曲膝上街去给陌生人擦皮鞋来挣钱，就是为了换一些小钱可以给妹妹去抓药。
（今年，也就是八十年后，老迈的生日，老迈的妹妹从湖南赶到广州，照顾老迈，并在病床前喂老迈吃桃子。）
可是这样容易的活，大多数贫困家庭的孩子都会做，所以哪怕是小孩子，为了减轻家庭的负担，也有抢地盘、抢生意这种几乎是誓不两立的争夺。但是，当其他小孩知道他是为了挣钱给妹妹看病的时候，在孩子王的带领下，居然都非常配合地把“生意“让给他先做。
在那些整天在街上毫不被人尊重、以纠缠成年人擦皮鞋为生的孩子们的幼小心灵里，他们也能模糊地意识到：老迈这种完全利他的精神、亲爱自己手足的精神是十分可敬的吧？而老迈也把这种来自底层人民的厚爱记了一辈子。
所以，这才有了小欧阳海因为妈妈没奶，妹妹快饿死了，听大人说只有喝鱼汤才能下奶，然后在梦里梦到自己有了一块糍粑，然后终于遇到好心的人，可以跟他换两条鱼回来给妈妈。想着妈妈终于可以喝上鱼汤，妹妹就有救了，小欧阳海从梦中笑醒了。醒来才听见妈妈在哭，原来他的妹妹已经饿死了这样生动真切的情节，才有了万千读者看到此处，涌上心头的永失我爱而失声痛哭的真切感受！
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而世上之所以有欧阳海之歌这样的小说，也源于老迈对底层人民的热爱。
大家知道，真实的欧阳海是连队里一个比较调皮的战士，与指导员的关系并不融洽，所以虽然有拦截受惊战马，保卫列车平安通过的事实，但是指导员的心里还认为他是调皮，或是鲁莽，因为马自己会跑开，根本不用去拉。
但是老迈在听到这些事情的时候，却坚持翻山越岭去欧阳海所在的连队调查，他听取了战友们对欧阳海的评价，与指导员的说法完全不同。更重要的细节是，虽然马通常是会在危险来临时跑开，但是那匹马却不知何故惊呆了，死死站在铁路上不肯动，欧阳海是拚尽了全力才在最后一刻将那匹马顶出了铁轨。
所以，没有老迈对底层人民的爱，对普通士兵发自内心的关切，这个世上，或许就没有几个人知道欧阳海，也不可能有欧阳海之歌这样一部陪伴着我们这一代人成长的文学名著！
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爱不仅成就了老迈的作品，让它一纸风行、成为比肩毛选这个红宝书发行量的伟大作品，爱还成就了老迈幸福的一生。
在《好大的月亮好大的天》里，老迈不知道绞尽脑汁想了多少东西、多少事情来打发他那将近三千个暗无天日的时光，由于一年到头见不到一个人，老迈把自己深色的袜子沉在碗底，装上水来映看自己。百无聊赖的日子里，他唯一不愿想、不能想和不敢想的便是他的妻子和儿子。
老迈告诉我：我爱我的妻子，非常爱，爱她的文静与美貌。她对我的爱是我坚持下来的勇气，也是我遇难后最大痛苦的来源。因为我知道她不会放弃，所以她就注定要因为我而受苦。一想到这我就万箭钻心、无法呼吸，所以我根本不能想她，一想她我就会发疯。可有时又禁不住地想，要是我们没有结婚该多好啊，她嫁给别人可能能过上一个好得多的日子吧？打住，打住！老迈你不要去想她，赶快想个别的什么吧！
大家都知道，在秦城监狱的单身牢房里，很多很多的犯人，可能在肉体上没有经受过多的折磨，但是精神上都垮了。很多人疯了，很多人失去了生存下去的勇气，只求速死。这也是为什么联合国有个国际性的公约，不能将犯人长久关押在单身牢房里，这对人的社会属性的彻底剥夺，是非常残忍的。
美国的一项研究发现，哪怕被单独囚禁几天，也会导致犯人的脑电波发生变化，朝着精神恍惚和错乱的异常方向发展。联合国酷刑问题特别报告员胡安.门德斯表示，单独囚禁可能会给犯人造成巨大心理伤害，是一种残酷的不人道的惩罚手段。他建议单独囚禁的时间不能超过15天。
以拍摄美国监狱而闻名的独立摄影师克里斯托弗.吉伦表示：我们对单独监禁的容忍度就像是一面镜子，折射出我们处在一个怎样的社会。
在美国，单独监禁、而且较长时间的单独监禁，通常只适用于极端的恐怖分子。
而老迈，在单人牢房里关押了长达8年时间，还能保持清醒的头脑走出高墙，全凭着他对妻子与孩子的爱。
老迈曾经自杀过，救过来后，也一直没有完全放弃这个念头。但是他知道，他的妻子宁愿跟着他受罪，也不愿意过没有他的日子。在妻子的追悼会上，老迈告诉我，他们夫妻俩很早以前就曾经在一起讨论过生死的问题，他的妻子对他说：
老迈，我一定要死在你的前面，你一定不能死在我前面，一定！因为，我不要在这个世界上过没有你的日子。所以，在监狱里的那些日子里，老迈说，她好像总是在我耳边轻声地说：老迈，你别死，你别死了啊，我知道你是好人。在那种人见人弃，个个都恨不得冲上来踩你一脚，拧你一把的日子里，她为我所做的一切，让我真正懂得了什么是相濡以沫，她的坚贞与善良充分显示出人性的高贵！
而老迈，五十年前从广州的家里被公安部以及广州军区保卫部人员押出门时，他与爱妻告别的话虽然在心头滔滔不绝，但表达出来的、万千情怀的，却只有一句话：记得给鸽子喂食，别把它们饿着了。
在监狱里，他一直自责，为什么没有对她说：不要等我了，如果有合适的人，你就改嫁吧。毕竟一个犯人的妻子要独自带大两个孩子是非常不容易的。
他知道，如果他不是亲口对妻子说出这样的话，妻子一定会一直傻傻的等着她，那么就把她害了。所以，他要活着，活着见到她，告诉她自己的心愿，让她能有一个可以依靠的好人，他才能走。
这个执念，成为支撑老迈坚强地活下去的核动力。而其他的人，面对老婆的划清界线，面对子女的无情揭发，在精神上对这个世界已经完全绝望了。
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老迈从不讳言自己爱老婆：我是爱老婆，有人说我怕老婆，不是怕，是爱。老迈爱老婆，绝不是对美貌与性情的孤芳自赏，而是有着深厚的价值观理念，因此这种爱从不因年华的老去而褪色！
老迈说：怕老婆是人类文明进步的结果。我从小当兵，又在文工团，稍微懂事后，看到文工团里那些漂亮的大姐都被组织上以革命的名义安排嫁给了根本没有产生爱情的老干部。她们躲在角落里的哭泣，让我对妇女们不得不屈从的地位有了深切的同情。从那个时候起，我就深深地感到，中国的妇女是最不幸、最不幸的。旧中国有三座大山压迫，而妇女还有一座夫权大山。我们中华民族之所以还能繁衍生存，是靠妇女的克制、是靠妇女的忍让，靠她们的甘于认命！所以你要爱一个女人，就要承担起责任，否则就太不人道了：她除了从你这里能够得到关爱，再也没有其它的地方可以寻得支持，所以我把婚姻看得比较神圣。男人的社会地位是远远地高于妇女的。那么，一个社会地位、政治地位甚至于是经济地位都远远不如你的人，她在你面前、事实上也只能在你面前，就算是耍威风，使性子，你又为何不能让着她一些呢？你不是爱她吗？
老迈说：我觉得爱一个人，爱一个女人，就是尊重她的命运，尊重她的选择，尊重她的人品和人格。她除了是你的妻子之外还是一个独立的人。
广州军区原创作室主任、享受国务院专家津贴的国家一级作家、原广东省文化厅副厅长何继青对我说：我是看着老迈的《欧阳海之歌》长大的，看了老迈的《好大的月亮好大的天》成熟的。
这对于我们这一代长在红旗下，反思于文革后的人来说，几乎是一个共识了。
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虽然有红得直冲云霄、让世人仰望追逐，又有黑得不见天日、8年无人交流的极端经历，但老迈告诉我：这么多人对我的命运好奇，希望采访我，可是我并不想一再述说我的过去。我已经老了，所受的委屈也都过去了，我不会像个小公鸡一样，为自己的委屈对这个社会叫个不停。审视我的内心，我几乎已经没有了任何为自己的不平，有的只是心灵上的不安。
这心灵的不安来源于：我们这个社会，这个经历了文化大革命中对人性的践踏、对信任和友谊的破坏的社会，对社会细胞——家庭的无情打击甚至于是毁灭的社会，真的从那场灾难中汲取了教训而永不重演那一幕人间悲剧了吗？
任何一个和谐的社会，都不能丧失人性！老迈非常沉重地告诉我。
快80岁了，老迈还能够大段大段地背诵恩格斯的《自然辩证法序言》。这段序言，老迈说，我在秦城的监狱里一经看到，它带给我的兴奋是难以形容、难以表述的。它给了我无穷的力量。靠着一遍又一遍地大声背诵，老迈终于保持住了他的语言能力，神志清楚地迈出了秦城监狱，看到了外面世界好大的月亮好大的天！
“也许会经过多少亿年、也许会有多少万代生了又死，但是无情的会逐渐地来到这样的时期，那时，日益衰竭的太阳热将不再能融化从两极逐渐逼近的冰，那时，人们会越来越多地聚集在赤道周围，但最后就是在那里，也难以找到维持生存的热，那时有机生命的最后痕迹也将逐渐消失。不论还有多少百万个太阳和地球产生和灭亡，不论要经历多长时间，然后具有能思维的脑子的动物才从它们中间发展出来，在一个短时期内找到他们生存的空间，然后又残酷地被消灭掉。我们还是确信，物质在它的一切变化中，永远是同一的，它的任何一个属性，都永远不会消灭，因此，它虽然在某一时刻，一定会以铁的必然性，毁灭自己在地球上最美的花朵：思维着的精神。而在另外某一个地方和某个时候，它一定又以同样的，铁的必然性把它重新产生出来”！
老迈说：原来，思维着的精神，是思维而不是盲从，是地球上最美的花朵。无论怎样摧残和毁灭，它们最后还是会重新产生出来！
我们应该努力使我们成为一个能够思维、允许思维和善于思维的民族，只有这样，我们这个民族才有希望。只能这样看世界，谁也糊弄不了了。这是我不变的信念。
在历史的波峰谷低大起大落，将国家的命运、民族的悲欢浓缩至一生、至一身的金敬迈，这个有着一颗金子般的心，万千读者敬爱的老迈啊！
为什么我的眼里常含泪水？
因为我对这土地爱得深沉……
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所以：终身未嫁，终身在印度的街道上拾捡、救助被遗弃的病人、穷人，却历经排挤、险些被驱逐出境，但最后荣获诺贝尔和平奖的特蕾沙修女在总结她的一生时说：
人们经常是不讲道理的，没有逻辑和以自我为中心的，不管怎样，你要原谅他们！
即使你是友善的，人们可能还会说你自私和动机不良，不管怎样，你还是要友善！
当你功成名就，你会有一些虚假的朋友，和一些真实的敌人，不管怎样，你还是要取得成功！
即使你是诚实的，人们可能还是会欺骗你，不管怎样，你还是要诚实！
如果你找到了平静和幸福，他们可能会妒忌你，不管怎样，你还是要快乐！
你今天做了善事，人们往往明天就会忘记，不管怎样，你还是要做善事！
将你所拥有最好的东西献给世界，你可能会被踢掉牙齿，不管怎样，总是要将你所拥有的最好的东西献给世界！
爱是由家庭中开始的，当我们充份享受爱的甜蜜成果时，应该把爱传播开去。
爱不是将自己剩余的，不要的分给别人，而是以全心将自己所有的，心爱的分给大家。
饥饿并不是单指食物，而是指对爱的渴求；赤身并不是指没有衣服，而是指人的尊严受到剥夺；无家可归并不单指需要一个栖身之所，而是指受到排斥和摒弃。孤独也是一种饥饿，是期待温暖爱心的饥饿。如果你怀着喜悦给予，你将会给得更多。一颗喜悦的心来自一颗燃烧着爱的心。
平点金基已关联讯飞快读基金小程序~
双语阅读~
Honor and disgrace, stand for love
The plan has changed, and the inner feelings are always the same.
This was originally a speech prepared for an academic seminar about Mr. Jin Jingmai, but the meeting was temporarily cancelled a few hours before the upcoming series of meetings.
However, my respect and admiration for this old writer who is a Chinese writer will not change. Therefore, I decided to send this article. I hope that we can recall once again how difficult it is for us to have a happy life today. How many people have experienced the inhuman suffering, we have come to the country today! Lenin said a word: forgetting the past means betrayal. Therefore, before the coming of the festive season, I would like to introduce Jin Jingmai's literary achievements and the quality that he pursued and adhered to throughout his life. At the same time, he also gave this document to witness the 69-year-old republic's growing compatriots!
Kim Jong-mai (who usually knows him as an old man) uses the most passionate passion of his life, in a very difficult environment, with the most enthusiastic admiration for the melting pot of the revolutionary army, in just one month.
I wrote the "Ouyang Hai Song", a great work that stirred up the patriotism of a whole generation. His work, with a circulation of 30 million copies, is the most widely published "Selected Works of Mao Zedong" at the time, which is enough to show its deep roots! What is more valuable is that after the hot sale, it has become a student textbook of that era, and has set up a living, bloody and authentic, honest and courageous example of life for countless young people.
More importantly, in my eyes, the most important point that has rarely been mentioned so far is that he has carried out an enlightenment education for tens of millions of Chinese people in this work. Through vivid descriptions of Ouyang Hai, a very cute child from a poor family, the misfortunes he encountered in his childhood have inspired the universal sympathy of those who have just moved from war to peace.
The strong love for the young, new life that we have hidden in our hearts because of the war. With many and many touching details, we show us the love of the world: Ouyang Hai’s love for her mother, her love for her little sister, her love for the people in the melting pot of the army, her love for her comrades, and finally Sublimation to the safety of people's lives and the love of state property!
I believe that as the author himself, Laomai also used his words and deeds to express his cherished love for his family, his love for his love, his concern for his children, and for our army and us. The strong emotions of this country. Really practice the very noble life philosophy of "the world kisses you with pain, but you report it to the song"!
In this society, the wife complains that her husband can't be high-ranking, can't get into the money, can't bring wealth to her, her husband blames her wife for being beautiful and virtuous, can't take all the housework, and parents will complain that their children can't learn seriously.
Famous schools, children will also complain that parents are incompetent, can not spend money for themselves to enter a good school, find a good job, buy a variety of brand-name supplies. Including some time ago, there are remarks that private enterprises have completed the historical task of helping state-owned enterprises to develop, so they can withdraw from the historical stage.
These phenomena are strange and seemingly intrinsically linked, but I think that the sentence that I like very much is: I stubbornly believe that the root of all these thoughts is based on the idea of self-interest: the survival of others, or It is the only purpose of the existence of others, and it should be for me. Whoever can't do this, whoever is not good, should be criticized. If some of the relatives and friends are willing to fight for the interests of others and rumor for the interests of the country, everyone will think that he is stupid, and all kinds of discouragement from the heart.
And if a person is good at using others and has used others, he can also deal with it neatly, without paying too much cost, and will be considered by the public to be capable and capable. Just like the above discussion about private enterprises, if you use others, you can let them exit the historical stage and you can die. There is no trace of care for others, respect for the rights and lives of others! It is blunt to say that more and more exquisite self-interests are popular in this society! Their essence is that only oneself is the human capital in the world, others are just statistical figures!
It’s not that I’m talking about it. I don't know if you have heard of the saying that "old is not dead and stolen"? A few years ago, this was a widely disseminated article. The idea of this kind of article is in line with the thinking of some people in extreme society. In these extreme societies, if life encounters difficulties, those who are strong and strong, the first consideration is to kill older women because they have no fertility, and they have no strength to fight and produce. They have not been socially The value of use, living is just a waste of food, so of course they have to be killed. If they are old and still not going to die, it is equivalent to stealing the property of others!
A race, a society, and a kind of mother who is kind to oneself can be so cruel, not to mention other peoples, animals and plants that exist between heaven and earth.
And old? I have been held in a single cell for 8 years! No one or anything can make him have any words or love in action. However, when I was interviewed by him, he told me: "My beloved pigeon, can you still fly freely in the blue sky? I stare at 32 small days through the iron fence and work hard. In the air, I have never seen the traces of the wings. The pigeons that are flying in the blue sky, are you still alive?...
Under the force that the sky can give you 32 squares of arrogant power, Laomai can forget his sorrowful destiny, pay attention to and remember the safety of the small life that is unremarkable and the only one who may enter his vision.
Many times, we believe that love is to pay, that is to lose, to love people who live at the bottom, is a one-way charity industry. But in fact, the success of Laomai is due to his deep love and dedication to the underlying characters.
As everyone knows, because of the love of my sister, this child who was extremely favored by her mother and who is extremely self-respecting, is willing to bend over the lap to give strangers shoes to earn money, just to change some money to give my sister medicine.
However, such an easy life, most children in poor families will do, so even if it is a small child, in order to reduce the burden on the family, there are also rushing to grab the land and grab the business. However, when other children knew that he was trying to earn money for his sister to see a doctor, under the leadership of the child king, he actually gave the "business" to him first.
In the young hearts of children who are not respected on the street all day and who are entangled in adult shoes, they can also be vaguely aware of the spirit of being completely altruistic and dear to the spirit of their own hands and feet. Is it very respectable? And Laomai also remembers this kind of love from the people at the bottom for a lifetime.
Therefore, this has Xiao Ouyang Hai because my mother is not milking, my sister is starving to death, listening to adults saying that only drinking fish soup can be milked, and then dreaming that I have a piece of cockroaches in my dreams, and then finally meet good people. You can exchange two fish with him and give it back to your mother. I thought that my mother could finally drink fish soup, and my sister would be saved.
Xiao Ouyang Hai woke up from her dreams. I woke up to hear my mother crying. It turned out that his sister was already starving to death. This vivid and sincere plot has only a thousand readers to see here, and the true feeling of crying in my heart and never losing my love!
The reason why there are novels such as Ouyang Hai's song in the world also stems from the old love of the people at the bottom.
As we all know, the real Ouyang Hai is a relatively naughty warrior in the company. The relationship with the instructor is not harmonious. Therefore, although there is a fact of intercepting the frightened horse and defending the train passing safely, the instructor’s heart still thinks that he is naughty, or Reckless, because the horse will run away, there is no need to pull.
However, when he heard these things, he insisted on going to the mountain to go to the company investigation of Ouyang Hai. He listened to the evaluation of Ouyang Hai by his comrades, which is completely different from the instructor's statement. The more important detail is that although the horse usually runs away in danger, but the horse is stunned somehow, standing on the railway and not moving, Ouyang Hai is trying his best to make it at the last moment. The horse was pushed out of the rails.
Therefore, there is no old love for the people at the bottom, and there are concerns from ordinary soldiers. In this world, perhaps few people know about Ouyang Hai, and there is no such thing as Ouyang Hai’s song accompanying the growth of our generation. Literature!
Love not only made the old work, but also made it a popular piece of paper, and became a great work of the red book circulation. Love also made a happy life.
In "A big moon, a big day," Lao did not know how many things he had thought about and how many things he had sent to his nearly 3,000 days of darkness. Because he could not see one person at the end of the year, he always took himself deep.
The colored socks sink to the bottom of the bowl and are filled with water to reflect on themselves. In the days of boredom, the only thing he did not want to think, could not think about and could not think about was his wife and son.
Laomai tells me: I love my wife, love very much, love her quiet and beautiful. Her love for me is the courage I have persisted in and the source of my greatest pain after my death. Because I know she won't give up, so she is destined to suffer because of me. When I think of this, I can't breathe, so I can't think of her at all. When I think about her, I will go crazy. Sometimes I can't help but think, if we don't get married, how good is it, she may be able to live a much better life if she marries someone else? Stop, stop! Don't think about her, let's think about what you are!
Everyone knows that in the single cell of Qincheng Prison, many and many prisoners may not suffer too much torture in the body, but they are mentally paralyzed. Many people are crazy, and many people have lost the courage to survive, only to die quickly. This is also why the United Nations has an international convention that can not hold prisoners in single cells for a long time. This is a very cruel deprivation of the social attributes of people.
A study in the United States found that even if it was held in solitary confinement for a few days, it would cause the brainwaves of prisoners to change and move toward the abnormal direction of mental paralysis and disorder.
The United Nations Special Rapporteur on the question of torture, Juan Mendes, said that solitary confinement may cause great psychological harm to prisoners and is a cruel and inhuman punishment. He suggested that the time of solitary confinement should not exceed 15 days.
Christopher Gillen, an independent photographer known for shooting American prisons, said: Our tolerance for solitary confinement is like a mirror, reflecting what kind of society we are in.
In the United States, solitary confinement, and longer periods of solitary confinement, usually apply only to extreme terrorists.
Old, who has been held in a single cell for eight years, can still keep his sober mind out of the high wall, all by his love for his wife and children.
Laomai once committed suicide. After he was rescued, he never completely abandoned this idea. But he knows that his wife would rather follow him and not be willing to live without him. At the wife's memorial service, Laomai told me that the couple had discussed the issue of life and death together long ago. His wife said to him: "Old, I must die in front of you, you must not die in me." In front, sure! Because, I don't want to live without you in this world.
Therefore, in those days in prison, Lao Mai said that she always said in my ear that: old, don't die, don't die, I know that you are a good person. In that kind of person seeing people, everyone can't wait to rush to step on you, and in the days when you screwed them, everything she did for me made me really understand what is the opposite, her firmness and kindness. Shows the nobleness of humanity!
Old, fifty years ago, when he was forced out of the house of Guangzhou by the Ministry of Public Security and the Guangzhou Military District Security Department, his farewell to his wife, though in his heart, but the expression of thousands of feelings, but only one sentence Words: Remember to feed the pigeons, don't starve them.
In prison, he has always blamed himself, why didn't he say to her: Don't wait for me, if there is a suitable person, you will remarriage. After all, it is not easy for a prisoner's wife to bring two children together.
He knew that if he didn't say this to his wife, the wife would have been waiting for her all the time, then she would harm her. Therefore, he wants to live, to see her alive, to tell her own wishes, so that she can have a good person to rely on, he can go.
This obsession has become the nuclear power to support the old and strong. Others, in the face of their wives' clear boundaries, face the ruthless disclosure of their children, and are completely desperate for the world in spirit.
Lao Mai never confessed that he loves his wife: I love my wife, some people say that I am afraid of my wife, not afraid, it is love. The old love wife is not a self-respect for beauty and disposition, but a deep concept of values, so this love never fades because of the age of the old!
Lao Mai said: afraid of his wife is the result of the progress of human civilization. I have been a soldier since I was a child, and after I was a little sensible, I saw that the beautiful big sisters in the art troupe were organized and organized in the name of revolution to marry old cadres who did not have love at all. The crying of their hiding in the corner gave me deep sympathy for the position that women had to succumb.
From that time on, I deeply felt that Chinese women are the most unfortunate and unfortunate. There are three mountains in the old China, and women have a mountain of power. The reason why the Chinese nation can still proliferate is to rely on women’s restraint and rely on women’s tolerance, relying on their willingness to accept their lives! So if you want to love a woman, you have to take responsibility. Otherwise, it is too inhuman: she can get support from you, and there is no other place to find support, so I see marriage more sacred.
The social status of men is far higher than that of women. Then, a social status, political status, and even economic status are far worse than yours. She can only be in front of you in front of you, even if it is a prestige, a temper, why can't you let her some? What? Don't you love her?
Lao Mai said: I feel that loving someone and loving a woman is to respect her destiny, respect her choices, and respect her character and personality. She is an independent person besides being your wife.
He Jiqing, the director of the original creation office of the Guangzhou Military Region and the national first-class writer who enjoys the expert subsidy of the State Council, and the former deputy director of the Guangdong Provincial Department of Culture, said to me: I grew up watching the old song "Ouyang Hai" and looked at the old one. "A big moon is a big day" is mature.
This is almost a consensus for those of our generation who are under the umbrella of Red and reflect on the post-Cultural Revolution.
Although there are red rushes to the sky, let the world look forward to chasing, and there is an extreme experience of no day, no communication for eight years, but old tells me: so many people are curious about my destiny, I hope to interview me, but I I don't want to talk about my past again and again. I am old, and my grievances have passed. I will not be like a little cock, and I will continue to call this society for my grievances. Looking at my heart, I almost have nothing to do with my own injustice, and some are just mental uneasiness.
The uneasiness of this soul comes from: our society, this society that has experienced the trampling of humanity, the destruction of trust and friendship in the Cultural Revolution, the ruthless blow to the social cell-family and even the destruction
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