教你如何用地道英語撕逼
如何一本正經地用英語撕逼，這真是一門學問，考驗一個人地道又高級的英語表
達技巧。當然聽者能否 get 到這種幽默，就不單單是考驗一個人的英文理解能力
了。我還是舉栗子吧，以下 49 句，背會你就輕鬆應對歪果仁了。
1. It's kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into asentence.看著你用自己所知的全部詞彙勉強拼出一句話的樣子，真是讓人難受。
2. You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.（人類）進化可以倒退，你是一個血淋淋的證明。
3. I bet your mother has a loud bark! 我猜你媽鐵定吠聲洪亮! （Son of aB**ch…）
4. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? 作為一個局外人，你對我們人類有啥看法?
5. You look like a before picture. 你長得就像（廣告裡）那些 "使用前"的照片。
6. Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds. 趕緊的，快向大夥秀出你腦瓜裡所有的知識，反正十秒鐘就夠了。
7. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it. 我猜你的大腦一定是全新出廠未設置，從來沒被用過。
8. Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to likeyou? 你想讓大夥接受真實的你，還是想讓大家喜歡你?
9. Are your parents siblings? 你爹孃是親兄妹吧?
10. If you had another brain, it would be lonely. 假設你長出另一個大腦，那它會很寂寞的。
11. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen atbirth? 你可曾想過，如果你出生時沒缺氧，現在的人生會是怎樣一番風景?
12. When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holdingan umbrella.當上帝向人間播撒智慧的時候，你卻打了傘。
13. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? 你是怎麼到這的? 是有人打開籠子放你出來的嗎?
14. You are dark and handsome. When it's dark, you're handsome. 你又黑又帥。天黑的時候你最帥。
15. You should be the poster child for birth control. 你該去給避孕廣告做帶鹽。
16. If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose. 假設大腦是炸藥，那你連炸鼻涕（擤鼻子）的威力都木有。(blow在這雙關，爆炸or擤鼻子。)
17. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it wouldbe genocide! 如果要殺掉所有討厭你的人，那就不是謀殺那麼簡單了，那是種族清洗啊!
18. If your brain were chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M. 如果你的腦瓜是巧克力做的，那它連一顆 M&M豆都裝不滿。
19. She has a nice butter face. Everything looks nice, but her face. 妹子背影那麼撩人，奈何這臉長得驚險。（美國俚語:butter face 是 but her face的諧音。A homonym that sounds like "but her face." To call a woman a "butter face" isto say her body is very sexy but her face is ugly. 形容身材一級棒，可惜臉蛋卻吃藕的恐龍妹。）
20. Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd one is for you. 鮮紅的玫瑰，嬌豔的紫羅蘭，我有五指，送你中指。 （引用了英文中一首流傳已
久膾炙人口的打油情詩→「Roses are red/ Violets are blue/ Sugar is sweet/ Andso are you」，然而這詩已經被玩壞了……）
21. He's so ugly, robbers give him their masks to wear. 他吃藕到劫匪見了都不忍直視，心疼得把頭套摘下來給他戴上。
22. The twinkle in his eyes is actually the sun shining between his ears. 他兩眼閃爍的光芒，是太陽照進他雙耳間的光芒（暗指腦殼空空如也~）。
23. They said you were a big asset. I told them they were off by two letters. 有人說你是有用之才，我告訴他們："你們多說了倆字啊。"(asset去掉末尾兩個字母是 ass，傻 B/魂淡)
24. Too bad stupidity isn't painful. 傻 X這病木有疼痛感，太 TM遺憾了。
25.We do not complain about your shortcomings but about your long stayings.我們不吐槽你的短處，我們是怕你跟我們處得太長了。
教你如何用地道英語撕逼
26. I heard you took an IQ test and they said your results were negative. 聽說你的智商測出來是負數啊(這結果太杯具了…)。(result和 negative雙關)
27. My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you. 每當我想起你，我的中指就豎起來了。
28. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. 今兒去了動物園，一整天都很想你，真真是睹物思人啊。
29. When I look into your eyes, I see the back of your head. 當我盯著你雙眼時，我能直視到你後腦勺（暗指腦殼空空如也）。
30. Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you could be pretty on the inside.（長得已經很吃藕了）試著吃點化妝品吧，興許能給你點內在美。
31. I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high. 本想問你幾歲了，但我知道你數不了這個數。（可以是諷刺數數能力差智商低，也可
以是暗指他老人家年紀大。）
32. God made coke, God made pepsi, God made me, oh so sexy, God maderivers, God made lakes,God made you... well we all make mistakes. 打油詩：上帝造了可口可樂，上帝造了百事可樂，上帝造了我，性感之至。上帝造了河流，
上帝造了湖泊，上帝造了你…...哎，帝非聖賢，孰能無過。
33. You are pretty as a picture and we'd love to hang you. 你貌美如畫，我們都想拿繩子把你掛起來。
34. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. 你壯得像頭牛，智商也快趕上牛了。
35. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be! 我知道你沒看上去那麼傻 X。沒人能傻 x成這樣!
36. You're so ugly when you went to a haunted house they offered you a job.你吃藕到你去鬼屋玩，人家都讓你去那來上班。
37. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and SHIT a better argument than that.我吃掉所有字母后拉出的翔，都比你說的話更有說服力。
38. It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with ahammer. 你這臉像是著火後被人用錘子拍滅的一樣。
39. If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ. 如果我想不開了，我就爬上你的那自命清高的巔峰，然後跳進你那智商底洞。
40. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 你的出生證就是避孕套廠商寄給你爹孃的道歉信。
41. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking,intelligent, and cultured. 俗話說異性相吸，對立物能互補。希望你能遇到顏值高、智商高、素質高的另一半。
42. If I were to slap you, it would be considered animal abuse! 我要是扇你耳光，會被人告虐畜的!
43. Twinkle twinkle little whore, close your legs, they're not a door.一閃一閃一隻雞，成天想找小雞雞。
44. Shock me, say something intelligent. 來，嚇唬嚇唬哥，說點動過腦子的話。
45. When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror? 你上次照鏡子能看到自己全身是啥時候來著?
46. Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident? 額滴神啊，你看看你的樣子，車禍中還有其他人受傷嗎?
47. If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents! 我要是長成你這樣，我就去告我爹孃！
48. You must be born in highway, because it is an accident. 你一定是在高速公路上出生的， 因為你的出生是一場事故。
49. She is such one-syllable person.她是單音節人。 表示她沒文化，不會用複雜的詞。
撕逼需謹慎，且行且珍惜
唔，地道又高級的英文幽默感就是要像腐國人民一樣高冷內涵。沒有最損，只有
更損。
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