如果你有這3個習慣，那麼你大概並不快樂
首先，請你想一想，你有沒有這3個習慣：
First of all, please think about this question first: Do you have any of these 3 habits?
第一，你習慣用負面的方式來激勵自己
1. You tend to motivate yourself in negative ways.
你可能並不是一個自暴自棄的人。
You may not be a person who already gave up yourself.
你總是希望變得更好。
You always wanna be someone better.
只是，你往往會用“難道連這都做不好嗎？”這樣的話來給自己打氣。
It’s just that when you encourage yourself you usually prefer sentence like “Can’t you even do this?”
從根本上講，你是希望讓自己討厭現在的自己，從而去努力。
Basically you wish to make yourself work harder by making yourself loathe your present self.
第二，你很難原諒自己的錯誤。
2. It’s really hard for you to let go of your mistakes.
你總是會反覆咀嚼自己以前犯過的錯，而且每次回想起來都會很難受。
You always keep thinking about the mistakes you’ve made and feeling terrible every time you do this.
每次不合時宜的發言。
Every inopportune speech you’ve given.
每次沒能控制住的脾氣。
Every temper you didn’t manage to control.
還有你以前做過的所有傻事。
And every silly thing that you have done.
你總是忍不住去回憶他們，而每次回憶的時候，你都和當初一樣痛苦難耐。
You always can’t help but recall them. And every time you recall them you feel the exact pain you felt back then.
第三，別人表揚你的時候，你會覺得不舒服
3. You don’t feel comfortable when someone compliments you.
你總是對別人贈與的表揚感到尷尬，或者覺得他們有點言過其實。
You always feel awkward for the credits people give you. Or you usually think they overestimated you.
有時候，你並不是覺得自己做得不夠好。
Sometimes you don’t really think yourself as not good enough.
你知道自己做了對的事。
You know you’ve done the right thing.
你知道自己值得被認可。
You know you deserve recognition.
但是，不知道為什麼，當真的有人來讚賞你的時候，你卻想找個洞把自己藏起來。
But somehow you still want to find a hole to hide yourself when someone comes and speaks highly of you.
如果你具備以上三點中的任何一點，那你要小心了，你的心裡很有可能藏著一種危險的情感。
If you have any one of the 3 traits above, then you should be careful because there might be a dangerous emotion hiding in your heart.
那就是自我厭惡。
It’s self-loathing.
很多人以為這種情感是一種動力，可以讓人不斷完善自己。
A lot of people see this emotion as a motivation to keep making themselves improving.
但其實，這種情感只會阻礙你的自我發展。
But in fact it only stops you from developing.
它會讓你無法體會滿足感和成就感，並最終剝奪你的自尊。
It makes you incapable of feeling satisfaction and the sense of accomplishment. And it eventually deprives you of your self-esteem.
從某種程度上講，這就是現在我們所說的“愛無能”。
To some extents, this is what we call “incapable of love” nowadays.
許多人都受其所擾。
Too many are troubled by it.
心理學家們也一直在研究這個問題。
And psychologists have been studying this issue.
雖然，對於這個心理現象，現在還沒有絕對的定論。
Though we haven’t reached a solid conclusion about this mental state,
但我們已經有了一些系統的認知。
we have got some systematic understanding.
或許你能在這些知識裡找到一些幫助。
Maybe you can find some help in these knowledge.
這種自我厭惡之所以會形成，一種原因來自於家庭。
One of the reasons for the formation of self-loathing comes from family.
有些家庭從來就缺乏肯定和表揚的習慣。
Some families never have the habit of acknowledging and complimenting.
或許你曾經因為做成了什麼事而開心地告訴父母，但他們卻責備你太浮躁、太驕傲。
Maybe there were times when you accomplished something and ran with joy to tell it to your parents. And they just blamed you for being too impetuous and proud
或許你曾無數次被父母在外人面前數落，他們通過貶低你來表現得謙虛。
Maybe you have been scolded publicly by your parents because they wanted to appear modest by doing it.
一個人在這樣的家庭裡會始終處於焦慮之中，並且會在潛意識裡認定自己不夠好。
Someone who grew in such families tends to always live in anxiety and subconsciously decides that they are not good enough.
另一種原因則是，有的人的自我厭惡完全是一種心理保護機制.
The other reason is that some of us use self-loathing as a mental protection mechanism.
他們無法面對外部世界的不確定性。
They can’t deal with the uncertainty of the outside world.
於是他們覺得“只要我變得更好，那一切也會變得更好”。
So they think that if they themselves become better people then everything will turn better, too.
他們拒絕承認世界的複雜性，也不去直視世界的複雜性。
They deny the complexity of the world and refuse to face it.
因此往往在潛意識中臆想出一些簡單的規則。
That’s why they usually subconsciously invent some simple rules
覺得只要從自己出發，總能把問題解決。
and come to the idea that they can always solve problems if they start from themselves.
不管是哪種原因，都是有害無益的。
Neither of these reasons are good.
我們可能會變得過於習慣自我厭惡，從而讓這種想法變成我們對自己的默認看法。
We may become too accustomed to self-loathing and make it our default way of thinking.
這是很不健康的。
It’s not healthy.
要知道，“好”是一個相對的概念，也是一個非常主觀的概念。
You need to know that “good” is a relative concept and a very subjective concept.
如果你的目的只是單純的“讓自己更好”，那你其實永遠也達不到自己的目的。
If your goal is only making yourself better, you can never reach your goal.
有時候，你得學會理解什麼叫“足夠好”和“暫且”。
Sometimes you have to understand the phrases “good enough” and “for now”.
想要學會從容面對失敗並不是一件容易的事，我也沒見過誰能完美地掌握這個能力。
It’s not easy to face failures with ease. And I never saw anyone who manages it perfectly.
但害怕失敗並不是放棄嘗試的理由。
But being afraid of failing is not a reason for giving up.
自我厭惡，是不幸福的根源。
Self-loathing is the root of unhappiness.
你可以厭惡曾經的自己，但請不要太厭惡現在的自己。
You can loathe who you were. But please don’t loathe who you are that much.
如果你真的需要一個動力，那它應該是希望，而不是厭惡。
If you really need a motivation, choose hope instead of loathing.
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